Reddodesutinī
by Ange et Demon
Summary: Some say the war began because of political displeasure; others say it was over a land dispute many years ago. People also claim that it originated as far back as the Sage of Six Path's sons. Kanayama believes it was strife between two men over a woman. As far as anyone was concerned, it was a war with no foreseeable end or a certain beginning, and Kanaya was caught in it.
1. Chapter 1

**1.**

Some say the war began because of political displeasure; others say it was over a land dispute many years ago. People also claim that it originated as far back as the Sage of Six Path's sons (which is a tale that is as old as time, and Kanayama isn't sure it is very reliable). In any case, Kanayama believes it was strife between two men over a woman, because women are certainly powerful influences. However, everyone she has ever told this to has doubted it, so it's more of a joke than an accurate answer.

As far as anyone was concerned, it was a war with no foreseeable end or a certain beginning. Kanayama's childhood consisted of being treated as a child should not be. Since she could walk, she was shown war. When she was four, she began her training under the watchful eyes of her cousins and uncle. Her father personally took her elder half sister, Haniyama, under his wing. Haniyama was oldest, and by that she needed more training as she was now on the battlefield, so Kanayama took all the attention she could from her family.

During her training, the war had been a daily thought, a continual consciousness in her life for three years. She had a cousin her age by the name of Itama, he was only six months older than her with a brilliance in all subjects given to him, while she struggled to match up to her elder sister. Her achievements were something to be proud of, while Kanayama had little strength in Takuma's (she cannot find it in herself to call him Papa) Earth Style. She cannot move the earth like him, instead she finds the wind to be her natural element.

No one within the Clan knows of the ninjutsu of wind element users (such is a strange type that she inherited from her mother). She was born of a Uzumaki woman with hair the color of the battle armour that Uncle Butsuma wears, and wide, violet eyes that Kanayama inherited.

Instead of hair the color of tree bark, Kanayama has hair described as redwood. Too red to be brown, and too brown to be red. She was not a pure-blood Senju, and her sister constantly reminded her of this. The only thing to link Kanayama to her elder sister was the beautymark that was directly under her right eye, and the same one marked her sister's upper cheek too.

She found comfort in her life in the form of Itama, her favorite cousin, because of his good natured attitude and kindness. Kanayama found it easier to relate to someone with the same gentleness that she possessed, though it's not quite the same as having someone that understood her.

Her first battle was a hazy one, and she retains nothing from those terrible minutes except for bursts and scenes and visions that are scarcely imaginable of horror and blood. It is difficult to try to understand what had happened, because it was all so managled. It was hard to try to make sense of something where there is no sense. There was nothing but the smell of smoke, and the clashing of swords. There were cries of the wounded, of their agonizingly deaths by fire, of others shrieking as their bodies are cut and slashed at, armour becoming useless. They are the tragic, unbelievable visions, which carry from one moment of fear to another.

Kanayama isn't quite sure which role she played in that battle, but she knows that she did not flee the fight. She recalls she may have tried to do as Lady Tsunada had told her, and heal her fallen comrades with her clumsy, childish chakra, but to no avail. She isn't sure if she killed anyone, either. She remembers people coming at her, and her green battle armour was very heavy, making it a struggle to move, but she managed the best she could. Itama was by her side one moment, and the next, he was gone. All she could hear was her blood pounding in her ears, and blood red eyes staring at her as her blade met another blade until the fight was over.

Senju declared victory, and Kanayama was left shaken.

Kanayama hated violence - perhaps her mother ingrained that into her before her death. Still, she fought, for her clan and for her father's legacy. Takuma was killed in battle, and they managed to get his burned, disgustingly managled remains back to bury him alongside his fellow shinobi.

Uncle Butsuma told both girls that they were Takuma's legacy, and it was their duty as his daughters to protect the clan with all of their might as Takuma had because he trusted them with his former responsiblity. Haniyama's back had straightened at his words before she bowed her head, sliding Takuma's sword out of his grasp.

A deadman does not need a weapon, does he?

She slid it into her sheath, replacing her own sword with his. She was his legacy, not Kanayama. Haniyama was the one who best knew the skills of their father, she was the one to inherit his looks. She stood proud, her head high and her heart closed off with long, shiny dark drown hair and dark eyes to match.

It was that day that Kanayama became Kanaya Senju.

Kanayama had been Takuma's offspring, not his daughter, just as he had been a creator, not a father. She gave up the bows and kimonos permantely for boys' clothing.

...

"Haniyama. What's taking so long?" Two dark violet eyes met dark brown ones, and they battled for dominance for almost thirty seconds before the elder girl scoffed, moving her eyes towards the closed door of Airi Senju's birthing chambers.

The sixteen year old crossed her arms, a scowl etched onto her face. "You would not understand, Kanayama."

"Kanaya." The younger girl replied just as harsh, her own scowl forming to match that of her elder sister. Haniyama sneered back at her. "If Father had wished you to be Kanaya, he would have named you as such." She glared down at the seven year old, but Kanaya stared right back just as defiantly. She wanted to make a smart comment, however she didn't wish to spoil the day of her little sister's birth, so she chose to remain quiet.

Upon the death of Takuma, she had come to realize that he had been courting a younger woman. It didn't surprise her in anyway, he had courted her own mother when Haniyama's had died. However, she was surprised at how months later, Airi Senju's stomach began to swell, and she just knew her little sister was in there. Haniyama was bitter about it, refusing to acknowledge the very thought of it being their father's child. Kanaya had always known that her sister was bitter about Takuma marrying Kanaya's mother, and the fact this woman was not even wed yet had enraged her.

She publicly ignored Airi while Kanaya had attended to her every need. She had vowed to protect her little brother and sister, and raise them to be a strong ninja. Hashirama had told her how strange little siblings were. Itama had been cheerful, and he had possessed a naturally happy dispostion, while Tobirama had been born with a frown on his chubby cheeks. He was happy for her, and he was excited for another cousin.

Hashirama needed this since the death of poor Kawarama, and even Kanaya had shed a few tears at the loss while Haniyama had slapped her for the cries, futhering the rift between the two sisters. There was a hatred between them that went farther than simple sisterly competition, going deeper into the fact that Haniyana hated her for her Uzumaki blood. It left Kanaya feeling confused as to why she would already fell a deep resentment towards their unborn sibling, as she or he is of full Senju blood.

Haniyama stared at the oakwood door for a moment before she turned towards Kanaya. "It will take a long while. Her hips are too small for childbearing, it is a difficult birth." Kanaya's fingers fiddled with a stray piece of string on her pin-striped pants, yanking it out more to twist it around her finger as tightly as possible until her finger changed color as circulation was cut off, and only then would she let it go.

These were not her pants, instead they belonged to Itama, who was around her size. Upon her decision to be treated as and dress as any boy would, her cousins offered her any clothing they had to her. Hashirama and Tobirama had clothing they had outgrown, while Itama said he had plenty of things to share. Butsuma offered all of Kawarama's clothing, and she had accepted because it was her uncle's way of showing her she was one of the few things he had left. She didn't feel right wearing a dead boy's clothing, and his outfits were not so fashionable as Itama or Tobirama.

Haniyama was frowning, which was her normal look, and silently she wondered if her elder sister was born with a frown on her face, too. Probably not, because from her faint memories from being a little toddler had her remember times when Haniyama was always smiling and giggling. She remembered when she was sing Kanaya to sleep.

Of course, that was before Ohonamochi had died, which had left her bitter and changed. Ohonamochi was the oldest of all the siblings, two years older than Haniyama and wasn't a half sibling, instead he was the son of Haniyama's mother. He was twelve years old when he was killed on a battlefield.

Haniyama's mother fell into a deep depression that even her own daughter could not drag her out of, which caused Takuma's eyes to stray towards Kanaya's mother who was the second daughter of the clan leader of the Uzumaki Clan. When she died, she was only mourned by Haniyama, while the rest of the clan rejoiced at the stronger alliance that came from a marriage between the two lovers. Kanaya tried to understand Haniyama's pain, but couldn't quite grasp it. Haniyama was upset that her mother was replaced, while Kanaya was excited at the prospect of having a new sibling. The two were much too different.

Haniyama shifted, pulling the soft quilt around her as the bitter cold of the outside world slipped inbetween the cracks of the walls, biting at the girls' skin. It was snowing outside, which left Kanaya feeling giddy at the thought that her little sister or brother would also be a winter child like herself (her birthday was in the coldest January that the Senju had ever seen) and she was going to be eight years old. That was an impressive age for any child that was a shinobi, let alone a female on a battlefield. The girls were targeted first and foremost because of the fact the that they had to be strong to be in their position, which meant they could grow into more prosperous ninja and the fact they could bear children in the future.

Kanaya pouted a little as she clutched her haori a little tighter, and glanced towards her older sister, but found her blank faced and obviously not about to share her blanket, leaving Kanaya to fend off the cold herself. She tapped an erratic beat against the hardwood flooring to keep her feet from freezing, and wished that the builders had used the soft, warm carpet everywhere in the large compound, instead of only in certain areas, like birthing chambers.

"It's been a whole day and a half." Kanaya concluded, "There should be a baby by now. I'm very bored." Haniyama gave her an aggravated look in return. "I already explained this to you-"

There was a loud shriek, so loud that Kanaya covered her ears, while Haniyama seemed unbothered by it, instead she stared at the door with a bit of perplexed curiousity at what had just happened. There had been one or two small screams, yes, but this had been the loudest by far. Kanaya waited eagerly for a baby's wailing, however there was only silence. There was a small whimper-like sound, but it sounded more like a drowned cat, and it was gone within seconds.

"Do you suppose there is something wrong with the baby?" Kanaya inquired. "Hashi-Itoko told me that some babies are born with strange shaped heads. Or perhaps it has only two fingers or toes."

Haniyama's face turned an agressive shade of red in her annoyance at Kanaya's babblings. "Or perhaps it was still-born, Kanayama." That made Kanaya freeze in her place. She knew what those words meant, since Riku Senju had given birth to two still-born children. She let the whole name thing slide as she whirled around to her sister, tears of anger welling up in her eyes as she bit back a few nasty words, trying to keep herself from launching at the smirking teenager.

"Our," She emphasized, just to see how pissed her sister could get. "little brother or sister is alive, and she or he will be a beauty. It might even look like Papa." Haniyama's eyes flashed at the mention of their decreased father, especially since Kanaya had the nerve to claim the little bastard that Airi was having was his at all. Haniyama was only here to prove that it was not her esteemed father's child.

Kanaya could only describe what happened next using a familiar phrase of, 'in the nick of time' because right as her sister raised her hand to slap Kanaya, the door slowly creaked open, which caused Haniyama to stop mid-swing. She looked up, hoping to see a bundle in Auntie's arms, instead she found bloody linen that she was carrying to be washed, that was tossed into a tightly woven basket, but still a drop escaped and hit the hardwood, Kanaya's eyes trailing after it.

The woman stood in front of her, the strain of the news was cleary shown by the tightness of her shoulder, and Kanaya once recalled being told that eyes spoke more than words could ever dream of speaking. Her eyes told a story of a mother's desperate struggle to bring into the world, the most precious thing in the mundance universe. An infant. For the briestest of moments, the world slowed, and Kanaya wondered if Haniyama's words had cursed the child to be born dead, a life stolen by the hatred of its half siblings.

"Airi-san has died doing a woman's duty, and has passed onto a world so much more peaceful than our own, alongside many of our clansmen. Pardon me, I must inform Butsuma-sama of the news." The kind, soft words are drifted towards Kanaya to bring comfort to what she assumed was a distraught child, instead all she saw was a blank mask reserved only for when she spoke to those ranking above her, or towards the enemies that wished to kill her. She did not need this woman's lies, so Kanaya simply nods slowly, as her aunt padded away down the corridor with two healers following at her heels, like two dogs following their master.

There are many ways for a young child to respond to the death of a person they may have been quite close to, or had loved. However, it differs on what that child is told. A small child is often told that their special person has gone to a better place of no war, of peace. It is said to make the death a little easier to bear, however in this war torn world, it would have been easier for Kanaya to have simply be told that she had died.

She did not need softness, she did not need to be babied. A lot of people died, and sure she had grown to be very fond of Airi, but she highly doubted there was a place with no war. Grudges between clans would most likely follow you to the afterlife, Kanaya turned to see the last medic disappear, and that mundane door was slightly open, inviting her for a peek at what laid inside.

...

Haniyama approached the door first, slowly pushing it open, because despite her coldness, she felt it wrong to intrude on a dead mother's deathbed. She knocked once, then twice even if the woman was dead, and Kanaya stared at her then the door to the room. It was ominious in ways that left Kanaya shaking in her shoes, the aura of the room had changed significantly into one that made you simply know that a tragedy had taken place there, and usually the birth of a baby was not a tragedy.

"You...You better not have killed it with your cruel words." Kanaya's voice trembled slightly as she stepped into the room with her sister. It was too quiet, much too quiet for Kanaya's likings, so she stepped hard to see if the wood would creak from under the soft, thick red carpet that rested on the floors, but it did not so the silence ensued. The large feather bed rested in the middle of the room, and Haniyama approached it first. The body's pose was not nautral, it was too straight, too perfect, no human could sleep as such. Airi's face and body was covered head to toe in a pure white, unblemished sheet that every midwife brought for this purpose only; to mark the dead. The sheet was most likely to cover any blood that was on the body, as a more traditional pose was for the face to be covered, while the body laid flat with the right hand resting over the left in the middle of their abdomen. Haniyama's hands slid under the sheet, and a grim smile twisted on her lips as she spoke. "The body is still slightly warm. She recently died."

Kanaya blanched, however while Haniyama seemed preoccupied with the body, her eyes were only for the wooden cradle near the bed. It was swaddled tightly, though it looked as if the bundle was not in fact moving, which made her heart beat faster against her ribcage. She moved closer, the blanket was pink, and it was a girl which caused her to swell with pride at the fact that she had a baby sister. The blanket was one that she had made by hand, giving it to the midwife to wrap the baby in if it was a girl. It was made with the softest wool that she could buy with what money she had, and was made in a pattern of white and pink. It was made inbetween missions and before and after training sessions.

She slowly picked up the bundle, preparing her self for the worst when it made a strange mewl noise, and Kanaya's face brightened at it. She examined it, memorizing each and every single detail of her. Kanaya knew she was a little premature, and she was as pink as the blanket around her. Her little Imouto was scrawny, her breathing was shallow, she was as bald as an egg, her eyes were shut, and she was by far the most ugly and beautiful thing that Kanaya had ever seen.

"She's our sister." Kanaya breathed as Haniyama's nose wrinkled in distaste, and she looked as if she had eaten something sour. "How do you know?" Haniyama retorted, already enraged by Kanaya's conclusion.

Kanaya touched the beauty mark under her eye, then tapped the small little mark on the baby's petal-soft cheek. Haniyama scowled, her finger brushing against her own beautymark, obviously angry. All three sisters had the same mark, the one that their father once had. She sneered down at the baby, but made no move to touch it, not that Kanaya would even consider allowing her to do more than see her. Kanaya held her tenderly, smiling as the baby took each, slow, wheezy breath.

"We need to name her." Kanaya muttered to herself, more than to Haniyama. The elder girl looked at the child. "It will have to be something godly, like the tradition Father started with us." The Senju followed several religions, or different versions of each religion, and there were a fair amount of gods and goddesses to choose from. Takuma had named each child a different name depending on what had come to him at that point.

Ohonamochi had been named after the God of the Earth, which Takuma had choosen loosely on the fact the clan was called the Senju of the Forest. Haniyama had been named after the Goddess of the Earth and Clay, Haniyama-hime, and had been named such in hopes she would be as productive a shinobi as her older brother. Kanayama had been named after Kanayama-hime, the Goddess of Metals, and her name could also have been for a child of male gender, Kanayama-hiko.

If she followed tradition, she wanted to name her Imouto something special, something worth more than a Goddess of Earth or Metal. She wanted her name mean more than her own. Haniyama spoke first, a twistedly amused look as she spat out, "Kishi, her name should be Kishi, after the Goddess, Kishi-Bojin."

Kanaya considered this for a moment, her mind racing as she tried to figure out exactly what she was the goddess of. The answer hit her like Tobirama had blasted her with water. "The Goddess of Childbirth? You have a sick sense of humor!" Kanaya snuggled the baby closer, her lips pursed angrily.

Haniyama let out a bitter giggle, "She did just kill her mother in CHILDBIRTH. Fitting, no? She'll forever be reminded that she killed Airi-san." Kanaya frowned at the words, slowly setting her back into the cradle with a few sweet words before she turned to her elder sister.

No," Kanaya protested. "The baby didn't kill Airi-san."

"She died giving birth to it." Haniyama scoffed, "Besides, I don't see you giving it a better name."

"She isn't a it. She's a little girl. Besides, the baby is too small and fragile to do anything yet. Airi-san decided to have her so if she died that was her choice." Kanaya countered, "I believe we should name her Miyazu after Miyazu-Hime. The Goddess of Royalty." She pressed her fingers against the dip of the baby's neck. "She's special."

Haniyama snorted, "She's a bastard."

"She is our sister!"

"Half sister. Besides, with both parents dead it falls on our father's heir to decide what path the child takes." Haniyama replied haughtily, "Who's the heir, Kanayama? Her name will be Mitama." She stood, picking up the blanket she had been bundled in when she first arrived, draping it over her shoulder as she headed towards the door. "As far as I'm concerned, it's your problem now, if it survives the winter." The door slammed shut behind her, leaving Kanaya seething.

Uga-No-Mitama. Goddess of agriculture. It was not better than Clay or Metal. Kanaya turned back towards the bundle, as its eyes fluttered open. Little Mitama stared back at her wide, stormy grey eyes. "Alright, Imouto, here's the deal." She said in what she hoped was a sisterly tone. "Haniyama is your Oneesama, okay? But I'm your Neechan, so I'm better than her."

The baby girl said nothing in return, instead she continued her awkward stare up at the older child. "Haniyama doesn't like you." Kanaya stated, matter-of-factly. "But I love you, a whole bunch. So did Airi-san, if she died just to bring you to life. There is a war going on, and I might die, and so might Haniyama. But I'm going to make sure you don't. You're going to become a great shinobi, and I'm going to train you so well that people will be scared of seeing you on a battlefield, okay?"

Of course, the baby did not reply, but Kanaya didn't mind. Her little sister was a newborn, so she couldn't speak, but she had a feeling that Mitama kind of understood what she meant. Gathering Mitama in her arms, and shrugging off her haori to futher wrap the infant in, she trotted off to her room, determined to protect the little life that now depended on her.

...

"Mitama~ Say Neechan. Nee-chan. Nee. Chan."

"Ba. Ba." Mitama cooed in response, causing Kanaya to frown, wiggling her finger in her face. "No, Imouto. Nee. Chan. Neechan." The baby didn't reply after that, instead it leaned aganst the cushion it rest on, sucking on her hand instead, her eyes watching everyone and everything in wonder. Kanaya sat up from her position on her stomach, wiping the grass and dirt from the front of her light green yukata, and threw herself down next to the cushion that her sister was leaning on, since she was beginning to sit up but couldn't quite do it by herself.

They were seated under a large tree, hiding away from the rest of the clan because it was too loud for little Mitama with the other women. Spring had blossomed from Winter, like the flowers bloomed from their buds. The children were allowed outside under the watchful eyes of their mothers, while the winter babes were beginning to experince the outside world they had not been allowed in.

Since Mitama's birth, Kanaya had slowly congregated back with the women (she still demanded her new name, and wore boys' clothing) but was more willing to learn the arts of womanhood. Her eighth birthday had passed by with disappointment, Haniyama had forgotten about it all together, and while Hashirama had tried to make it memorable (he had managed to get her sweets from a local, peaceful village), but the Senju lost a huge battle against the Uchiha.

Mitama had brighten her birthday up by just being there, and Kanaya had promised to take her outside the moment the snow melted, and it was warmer. However, all the little children of the clan (clad in there light kimonos) had too much energy stored up during their time indoors, and were too obnoxious for Kanaya, so she took time away whenever she could. Sometimes she left Mitama with her wet nurse, Riku-sama, and would just get away from all the intense training she had to go through and the strains of trying to raise a baby.

"Ba!" Mitama shrieked, squealing at how Kanaya jumped up at the sudden noise, a kunai sliding out of her sleeve. Kanaya scowled (it left her feeling too much like Haniyama) and puffed air in and out of her cheeks, annoyed. "C'mon, Tama-chan, don't scare me like that." She poked the baby's belly, making her laugh. Mitama was still as cute as ever, her hair had grown significantly until it covered her entire head. She looked hauntingly like a mix of Haniyama and Mitama. Her hair was dark brown in what seemed to be curls, the exact color of his oldest sister, she had the paleness of Kanaya, and stormy grey eyes that were all her own, neither brown nor violet like her siblings.

She was 5 months old, and did not like sleeping through the night. Riku-sama had encouraged Kanaya to not allow her to continue sleeping in her bed, but Mitama didn't like her crib, so she slept next to Kanaya. Mitama broke her from her thoughts with another squeal, then a quiet sob. She gathered the girl into her arms, and took the stolen zabuton cushion (hopefully no one had noticed its absence from the Main Room). She unfolded the folded cloth from under the cushion, and laid Mitama on it, before she hoisted it onto her back.

She wrapped it around her twice, and tied it as tightly as possible, slightly adjusting the back to make sure Mitama was safely on her back, and began her descent back towards the horrors of the compoud.

 _Training. Sewing. Baby. Training. Sewing. Baby._

That was all her life was now, and it was ro repeatitive that it made Kanaya want to scream. Her uncle refused her missions while the child was under a year old, and it drove her mad. Her bundle made a small whimpering noise, which caused Kanaya to look back with a goofy smiled. "So, Imouto, how about tomorrow I show you the koi pond? Haniyama didn't show me- Well I suppose I should call her Oneesama for you, but I don't call her that.

"Well, anyway, she never showed me and I found it myself, and fell in. If Hashi-Itoko hadn't been nearby, I would have drowned, y'know. But I will make sure you see everything, okay? And you won't drown or get hurt." She added for assurance. The child didn't babble or make noise, but Kanaya assumed she understood because Mitama was a brilliant baby. She was even trying to crawl and could roll over all on her own.

She entered the home with a shiver because you could just tell that something was very wrong. She turned her head to see Riku hurrying towards her, but before she had time to speak, the dark eyed woman was unstrapping the baby from her back. Her eyes were puffy, red, and there were tear stains running down her pale cheeks. Riku offered her a shaky smile, "Butsuma-sama had requested you, Kanayama-sama." Her voice broke at the end, but Kanaya simply bowed politely before excusing herself. The feeling of grief that was drifting around her was weighing her down. She turned down a corridor, Kanaya's mind wandering.

I wonder who died, Kanaya thought with a small smile poking at her lips.

It could not be that bad, could it? Surely not, because she had sensed Hashirama's chakra earlier, and-

Kanaya paused, her back hitting the wooden wall behind her, her bare feet frozen against the floor as she realized that her jest was not a jest. She gagged, bile rising in her throat as she searched the entire settlement with her limited sensory abilities. Hashirama. Tobriama. Butsuma. Haniyama. Toka. All these familiar chakra, but one was missing.

Where was Itama? If Hashirama was back, so was Itama-kun? Kanaya clutched her head as she tried to figure out where he was and it struck her.

He was...he was the tragedy. Itama was-

She couldn't breath, she couldn't even move, and she was dry gagging, her body jerking in disgust at what she had just discovered, her body moved on it's own and Kanaya was on her feet within seconds, her body taking her to the forest that surronded her home. Sobs wracked her body as she screamed into the forest.

Kanaya cried over the loss of a friend, over the fact that she was too weak to protect him. She because her sister was born into such a horrible world, and she cried for all those who died that couldn't cry for themselves.

When will this terrible war be over?

...

The funeral (if that is what it can be called) took place two days later. Kanaya stood with her face a blank mask, her hands messing with a piece of cloth that Itama had given her for her forehead. It was her color, he said. She and Mitama were dressed in all black, and so were Itama's two brothers. Hashirama looked ready to burst into tears, while Tobirama looked distressed under his frown. It was Kanaya who did not let her tears out, she kept them hidden.

He deserved more than this, she believed. More than slabs of wood and dirt, he deserved a funeral fit for a clan leader. He deserved his six coins into the afterlife, he deserved to be burned and his ashes spread across the lands. He deserved a proper burial, instead he and the other clansmen to give their lives were not honored as Kanaya believed they should be.

From what Kanaya had learned, Itama had been seperated from his comrades and was killed by a seperate group of Uchiha than who Hashirama had been fighting. Children, in Kanaya's opinion, should not have to die so young. What was more horrific, was he was only a few months older than her. It could have been her that died, and she could not afford that with Mitama.

Only six Senju died, one of which was Itama, two were women, and the rest were men. The one women had two small children, the other had a husband. Two of the men were fathers, one was getting married, the other was raising his nephew.

Kanaya had Mitama strapped to her back, and she focused on keeping her from falling, instead of thinking of those that surronded the graves. Crying children clung to their parents' yukatas. Aunts and Uncles swarmed around, offering comfort while grieving themselves. It made Kanaya queasy, and she thinks of when they buried Airi. It had been raining, and she was the only one to attend, besides those who had to bury her body. She had slid six coins into the coffin before they sealed it tightly (she wished she could have done that with Itama) and it occurred to her that Airi had no one in her family left to mourn her.

Fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles, and children. Most of the households in Senju's settlement had lost someone they held dear to them.

Kanaya doubted that there were any "whole" families left in this broken, managled, war-torn world. She sincerely hoped that one day, life would be different, but somewhere deep down, she thought there couldn't possibly be a world in which there was peace.

...

 _ **I formally apologize for any mistakes or errors within my writing, I am French, I'm also a high schooler just trying to learn English, and most likely failing at it. Please review or give fedback.**_

 _ **Enjoy**_!


	2. Chapter 2

**2.**

Kanaya had lived a great long deal among grown-ups. She had seen them intimately, up close, and listened to them, and that had not changed her opinion on them. Grown-ups were useless, and Kanaya had already began her journey into one.

Kanaya was not yet ready to allow life to destroy that youthful part of herself yet. To become mature (or grown-up like) you would have to kill the part of yourself that is naive and childish, the part that is creatively idealistic - the part of you that can only be called your innocence- and rid yourself of your humanity. Kanaya was eight years old, and already she was too mature for anyone to really connect to, and certainly too adapted to the colder ways of the world.

Grown-ups were idiots because of how naive they were to the world, and Kanaya was slightly afraid to become like them, with the way they see with blind eyes. She could clearly see the hidden pain left in Hashirama's eyes, the way he distanced himself from the rest of the clan, and she saw how Tobirama had tears in his eyes on occassion, and how Haniyama let out little sobs once in a while. The grown-ups did not see this, and assumed it was all fine.

Everyone around her grieved, and Kanaya stood stone faced with no tears. When she learned of his death, and fled to the woods, she had cried. However that was one time thing, because Kanaya was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, and keeping those sorrows to hold, and bear herself so her family could let their own pains out.

She grieved differently than the shambles of family she had left, her soul wept for Itama and no matter what you did, there was no way to comfort it. Kanaya allowed weights on her soul, and became a anchor for those around her who needed someone to cry on, and perhaps after so many deaths, she was used to it.

However, as far as she is concerned, they were distancing themselves, and Kanaya couldn't keep them in her grasp. Hashirama...he was a lost cause. His days were spent training, then slipping off into the woods, and it left a small hole where his presence used to be, and whatever was in those forests, she hoped it helped him as much as Kanaya wanted to.

Tobirama was next on her list, and while they had never been relatively close to each other per se, there was a familiarity about them to keep them together, and Kanaya is sure that if she dies, he'll miss her just a little bit, and that's fine by her. However, as of now, he has taken to following after Butsuma, learning what Hashirama would need to learn to run a clan, and Kanaya guessed that someone would have to, and Tobirama was the only one with the patience for it.

Haniyama's rejection was something that Kanaya was too used to by now, and it was not surprising. They had never been close at all, and the fact that she was keeping her distance was an okay fact with Kanaya, as she didn't care one way or another. Mitama's distance was one of Kanaya's choice, because Riku-sama had suffered two still-borns and three miscarriages, and she deserved to have a daughter-like figure, just as Mitama deserved a mother.

It wouldn't be a full family, but Kanaya was doing her best to give Mitama one, and all this seperation gave Kanaya time to think. Life, plainly speaking, was horrible. How many children had to die before adults came to realize that it was THEIR feuds that began the fights? How long until they could see life as they should, like children, and make up with each other?

Kanaya sat in the top of a tree, with her body spread out on one of the taller branches, with her head surronded by leaves, and a deep frown that made her feel like Haniyama. Everything always makes her feel like Haniyama anymore; tired, weary, and most of all, cold. She was so cold, like the world didn't matter, all that did revolved around her family, like her heart was sealed off to anyone else but those close to her. Which scared her more than anything else because Haniyama...Haniyama was broken, she was pretty and young, and she was very broken to the point where if she died on a battlefield, then she'd be okay with that. Haniyama had two things to do with her life: live and die.

Kanaya wanted to do more, she wanted more not only for herself, but for Mitama, yet no one seemed to quite understand that. While she was a bucket of understanding, they knew nothing of what SHE wanted. Kanaya wanted to do her duty to her decreased father and defend her clan for a few years, then she wanted to settle down in a small, clanless village that was not part of the war. She wanted to get married and have hundreds and hundreds of babies. Okay, Kanaya could admit hundreds were a lot, but she wanted a lot of kids (especially sons because sons always love their moms the most), but that was years away. She had people to protect for right now.

She guessed that she would have to protect Uncle Butsuma, too. As far as Kanaya knew, he was all she had. He was tough and cold, but he gave her the same love that Takuma did, he made her strong and that was the most loving thing a father (or uncle) could do.

So, she had to focus on what she knew. Kanaya was sure of five key things.

 _ **1\. Anything that is not you, is trying to kill you.**_

 _ **2\. She had to protect her family.**_

 _ **3\. She needed to get stronger quickly.**_

 _ **4\. Power and influence is everything, she needed some of each.**_

 _ **5\. She had to survive.**_

Kanaya could work with that.

She hoped.

...

Armor was simply not created for women. Kanaya was many things. She was mature, she was kind of smart, she was a good big sister, but there were also some negatives to her.

She was a scrawny, tangled haired kid trying to fit into armour that was not made for her. This was Hashirama's armour, he had given it to her because he had gotten one a bit bigger. He had recieved his armor due to its unfortunate previous owner dying. Armor was hard to get sometimes, and often only given to those that would use it often (or to put it simply, not die), and at eight years old, it was assumed she'd live for a while.

However, the armor was another thing that she owed to Hashirama, and her debt was growing by the day. Kanaya was born in a time of war and famine, when there was not enough food to go around. She should have died, and she knows that she should have died. Haniyama, unlike Kanaya, cared little for her newborn sister at that time. Her mother was ill and could not care for her. Hashirama had, at the age of four, pushed himself to grow and gather enough food for himself, his siblings, and a tiny little girl with redwood hair.

Even now, if food was scarce, Hashirama made sure she ate her food even on those days he couldn't seem to eat himself. Kanaya would try to be like him, to offer him whatever rations she could when she knew he was hungry, perhaps even starving. Hashirama would smile like he was fine and after big fights, take what she offered, but she would always find those rations returned later. These days, she made sure he ate well, because food was more plentiful in this settlement than the last.

Kanaya did her best to repay her debt, she did his chores, took on his shifts, so he could have free time to sneak off to skip rocks in the river, and even did his laundry and healed his wounds. But the debt built up still when her kind cousin would let her sleep in his bed when it was cold, or allow her to have his extra clothing (or armor), and she could never fully repay the boy that allowed her to live when Kanaya was suppose to die.

It was because this was his armor that she vowed to only bring him honor as she wore it. Uncle Butsuma had declared that she would be heading back to the battlefield soon, as a large ambush had wiped out a good number of men, and he requires more people for missions. Hashirama (as her debt grew) had argued that Mitama was not yet one, and all new 'mothers' did not go out on the battlefield for a year. It had taken an hour of fighting and arguing before Butsuma ended the arguement.

Kanaya had to get in the way between Butsuma's fist and Hashirama's face before it ended.

So here she stood, eyes narrowed in determination as she tried her hardest to train in this armor, and realized how hard it was. Her former green armor was easy to use; the metal was light; the movements were not restricted; it was simpler than this. Her darker green armor was heavy to defend the body more from steel swords or tantos, and it was her worst enemy.

She, as all wind users do at some point, could feel herself become strong when the breeze blew. The wind is like the breath of nature; when it blows, she feels alive, like floating on air. Upon an accident of meditating and chakra control, she stumbled upon something dangerously exciting. If she was not in armor and focused her chakra around her, she could float on the wind.

Kanaya had affectionately dubbed it, _Kaze no sutorenjā. Wind Drifter._

Of course, Takuma just had to name her after the Goddess of Metal; how ironic. Her nature element was wind, and she could float but her dumb METAL armor made it impossible for her to do so. She felt weak compared to her cousins and sister, even more so in this horrible piece of metal. Water was the chakra nature of Tobirama, who's attacks could almost rip off limbs, and destroy the grounds. His mastery was something impressive, considering his age. She was two years younger, which caused a rivalry with him that Tobirama didn't even know about, but was still there.

Using all her pent up frustration, she focused her chakra to her center, and when a gust of wind breezed by, she shot it out of her hands, surprised to see how it seemingly knocked down a tree branch.

That, that she liked. Kanaya never felt more impowered than when the wind blew by, and if adding her chakra caused it to react, than perhaps there is a way to do this on a battlefield. Depending on the area, there is a possibility of wind, or at least a good amount of air. So, Kanaya had two things to figure out if she wanted to determine how to create wind at different points in time, and how to use it like she just did.

To be able to use wind as a weapon will be the ultimate advantage, as it can easily be created, sharpened, and used against any blade that was made. How do you destroy the wind?

You cannot...Now all she had to do waa figure out how to do it. Sitting down in that heavy armor, she pressed her hands together in the sign of Snake, concentrating her chakra to see just how loose she could get it, and she would go from there.

However, as it turns out, chakra is very soothing when concentrated hard enough, so soothing that Kanaya had fallen asleep practicing. Her eyes only snapped open when she felt a push, and her body was sent tumbling onto the floor. Innocent brown eyes stared down at her sheepishly; the same brown that mirrored Haniyama's eyes, causing Kanaya to smile brightly.

"Hashi-Itoko?" She questioned lightly, prodding him with her eyes for an answer. Hashirama beamed.

"Sorry about knocking you down." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, that dumb smile still stuck on his face. "I just- Oh! The armor fits." His eyes gazed at the green metal on her chest, and she followed his gaze nodding eagerly.

"Hai! Thank you, Hashi-Itoko." Kanaya delivered a swift bow of thanks before she stood up, and he grabbed at her, adjusting the leather straps on it to tighten the armor onto her. "I'm very grateful for it, and I find it is a little harder to use, I guess." She babbled. "So what did you need?"

"I...Yes."

"You weren't listening?" Kanaya asked, and then answered her own question. "Of course you weren't. Is there a reason you came here?" She curled into her cousin's warm body. His arm was around her neck, and he was beaming at her, nodding eagerly.

"Actually, I was wondering if you could do me a little favor," Hashirama began, tightening his grip a little. "I want to go skip rocks, but I have to gather grain from the field nearby." He then gave her big eyes as he quickly shot out. "I'll bring you a prize from the next mission by a village."

Immediately, Kanaya nodded without hesitation. She was quite willing to start paying off her debts to him. He smiled brightly, hugging her a little tighter, and smashed his cheek against.

"Thank you, Ka-na-ya-chan~" He sang excitedly as he jumped up to go. Before he left she frowned and yelled back.

"Do me a favor and get rid of the ugly bowl-cut!"

Whether he heard it or not, she doesn't know, but she hopes he does fix that mess.

...

The Senju were a large clan, mostly consisitng of many women and children to be fed. All over Senju occupied territory were scattered patches of wild grain that needed harvested. It was usually done by the younger ninja, such as Hashirama or Tobirama, not someone as inexpierenced as Kanaya.

Of course, no one complains if she goes to get the grain, as no one wants to pass up food. Feel what it's like to truly starve, and Kanaya guaranteed that you will forever think twice before wasting any sort of food.

In famine, if you cast your gaze to those around you, you will see many things: here is a mother who cannot feed her child; a father who starves so his child may eat a bit; siblings dying to feed their little brothers and sister; or wailing children with unsatisfied stomachs. It was with this in thought that Kanaya quickly returned to her home to lay her armor to rest, and strapped Mitama to her back.

She had once felt the monster called Starvation. It was a demon that resided deep in her stomach, causing pain like no other to the point where she could no longer more nor do anything. The only escape of these demon was a meal; a crust of bread; watery, lifeless soup; or even raw greens; anything to fill your belly. Kanaya would take no risks with this grain. She had Hashirama, Tobirama, her sisters, and Toka to feed with it, and she wanted them to have warm bread tonight. Kanaya would not allow anymore famine to creep into her settlement.

Mitama was asleep, her soft breaths making Kanaya shiver as they touched her neck, and she was not disturbed by Kanaya's urgent pace as she hopped tree from tree. Perhaps the little baby was too used to this way of traveling. Kanaya's pace slowed as she approached the spot.

As a precaution, the Senju had placed a genjutsu over the plot to make it appear that weeds grew there instead, and Kanata is pretty sure that Toka was the one to do so, because she was brilliant at Genjutsu, even better than a Uchiha with their Sharingan, and her left eye could see straight through it. She thought of having the grains ground into flour, and use a little sugar to make them a treat.

Instead of fields and fields of gold, she arrived just in time to witness the last of the grains being cut and placed into two large bags by a strange looking boy wielding a small scythe, which made her blush as all she had with her was a sickle. Mitama made a small whimper, and Kanaya hushed her, her own empty sacks clutched in her hands.

Although initially caught off-guard, Kanaya was back to her senses as she examined the strange boy, and she raised her eyebrow at his apperance.

He was taller than her (probably Hashirama's age) and lean built with tanned skin, he had wild black hair that fell just over his shoulder blades, and bangs that fell over one of his eyes. He had a piercing black eye, and his hair was thick and abundant, but his face (like Kanaya) was femininely round, with pretty eyelashes. The only thing that was shocking to her was the red-and-white fan that made her choke on her breath.

 **Uchiha.**

Kanaya prepared to leave, being as quiet as possible, but Mitama decided to change this as she let out a quiet wail that alerted the boy of her presence. She froze in place, looking at her outfit in distress. She was in a plain, cotton yukata with straw sandals, and the weapons on her was a small sickle in her obi, and she had a baby on her back.

It did not look good for her. Especially as the boy whipped his head towards her, a kunai sliding out of the sleeve of his haori, and he glared at her with red, devil eyes. The Sharingan.

"Y-You.." She took a breath before breaking into a wail, "My father's field, what have you done?" She rubbed her eyes, as Mitama quieted down into soft cooes.

The boy blinked in surprise and his eyes turned back to their original onyx coloring, and he blushed a bit, but kept his harsh eyes firm at her accusingly, sad expression.

Th boy recovered quite quickly. "It's not like you own this land. This is for a good, dignified clan with women and children to be fed," he intoned. His eyes darted to the sickle that hung on her body.

"I don't own this land, but my father rented it. I have a family too. My mother, uncle, father, cousins, and my baby sister need food, and you just steal it." Kanaya countered, lying. This boy's eyes darted to the bundle on her back, where Mitama was making little mewling noises, and his eyes softened for a few moments. His kunai disappeared, and he shook his head.

"Look, my clan needs this more. We are saving up for winter." The boy's voice was strange, and a little too high for any teenage boy to have, but Kanaya ignored it as he put his scythe away, and looked at the very large bags that he was stealing from her clan.

Kanaya shook her head. "So my family can't eat because you are stealing from us? My uncle and father planted this. What man can stand here and take from a little girl and a baby?" She stated hotly, using all the emotions she could to lie in this guy's face.

Too her dismay, the boy laughed, shaking his head at her. "Listen up, peasant, I'm a girl too." It made Kanaya blink once or twice, and narrow her eyes as she examined the Uchiha's face. She could see the girly-ness in her she supposed.

Kanaya could not hide her feminine features. Her redwood hair was long, flowing down her back in a low tie. Her face was round, with delicate features, and she had nice, pale skin that doesn't look like she had ever seen the sun. Even in boy's clothing, you know that she is a girl. This girl has none of those things, probably taking after her father or something, and she is almost like a tree, very broad and showy like a male. Kanaya frowned, her lips falling into a pout, and she wonders of her ninjutsu is strong enough to fight a Sharingan user over wheat.

"Well?" The girl mocked. "Do you need this?" She wiggled her sacks, and her hand touched the scythe at her side, which made Kanaya frown as she took a step back, defensive of her sister.

They did need it. Her clan needed to start saving up for the winter, but Kanaya shook her head. She didn't like to be seen needing something - as if hunger were a sign of weakness that Kanaya had steeled her heart from.

The girl that she had labled Bōisshugāru (Boyish Girl) stared at her with those cold, unfeeling eyes that belonged to all Uchiha. It took all off thirty seconds before the shinobi disappeared using a Body Flicker (a simple technique that all children learn) and there, where she had once stood was a sack of grain.

It was a act of kindness. While the Uchiha had owned two large bags, she had the decency to leave one. Bōisshugāru was (as far as she knew) a real piece of work, and didn't seem nice at all. However, she left this for her.

Kanaya prided herself in being remarkably bright, however she was having serious doubts. From birth, her mind was filled with whispers of the Uchiha demons; they do not feel; they are cannibals; they are monsters; they are baby-killers; they are disgusting; they are the enemy.

However, what kind of cold-hearted cannibal can leave something so valueable as food to a stranger when they could have either left with all of it or killed her and Mitama? The teen was four years older than Kanaya, and was obviously stronger than her. Murder would be easy, but Boyish Girl refused to do so.

It left Kanaya wondering; how many of the clans have conflicts with someone else- and how many of us truly know the opposing clan? Each clan (or simply a clan leaders) have individual clans with whom they are competitive, or they dislike or battle with; however, how many actually see these people in a more human sense? They see war and battles; grudges and old wounds; however how many can take a step back and see a person behind armor and swords. Adults deepen the wounds by making up stories to futher this hatred, and do not look at the other people in these opposing clans. It leaves her slightly shaken how a enemy could be so kind.

Peace could easily be achieved if stories were stopped, if rumors were gone, and if adults could (like children) see people under the clan name.

 _Yes_ , she thinks to herself as she picks up the bag, _Grown-ups are very stupid._

...

Kanaya had a very large distaste for council meetings, because, as all children do, she HATED was all the boring politics. Of course, here she was, sitting next to Haniyama as a obediant little princess.

When a clan leader is chosen, their siblings are always their generals (or right hands), and if the sibling is dead, the children take their place. Haniyama is the general and lead advisor, and if she dies, it falls onto Kanaya to take her place until Hashirama becomes leader. Then Tobirama would take that position. It was manditory that she be here and be updated on all events involving the clan, especially since she could run it one day.

The way children are dying so quickly, there is a chance something could happen to Hashirama and Tobirama (Itama and Kawarama are proof of that), leaving Haniyama as heir to the clan. After her, is Kanaya, and then the go over to other distant members. No one dared doubt that either Senju Princess could be clan leader, so here both girls sat. Kanaya had Mitama clutched in her grips, allowing her to knaw on her formal kimono (the one used when she was at these meetings), and it was more of furisode. It was red silk, and the sleeves were unbareably long to show she was unmarried (duh) and was eligiable for marriage, even at her young age.

Besides this, Kanaya was not disrespectful, but these meetings consister of elders that were all old and locked in their own ways. A lot of things were found in disagreement, such as who owned this or that, what money could be used for repairs, if wheat or meat was better for traveling shinobi, and the likes, which left Kanaya highly disappointed in why the leader even listened to these old fools. However, regardless of her misgivings towards the elders, she had to speak with them on all matters.

"-best to destroy all allies." She heard Haniyana state as her mind came back to her. Her sister's face was blank dispite hearing mutterings and some hisses. Kanaya, the ever 'perfect' hime simply fluttered her fan to give herself and Mitama some air, while the elders argued among themselves.

"That's not of any importance to our clan. One little clan could not do much damage to us." An elderly man said frowning deeply. Kanaya wondered how they managed to live so long. Were they even ninja? She highly doubted any shinobi could live that long. Or perhaps they were Kami-sama's cruelty for the sins of the clan. Either way, Kanaya hated them.

"They've made an alliance with the Uchiha clan once more. I'd expect them to attack at anytime now. We must destroy them first, before they can attack us." Haniyama stated, her eyes narrowing, but she kept her neutral as one slip-up could cause a large fight. "Tajima will not wait for us, instead he and those damn Hagoromo will slaughter us." Haniyama's face may be blank, but her eyes spoke what was unspoken. Those dark orbs showed a story of anger and inner torments at the council. "We must not back down from them. We must destroy them before they can be used by the Uchiha."

This caused quite a bit of murmuring within the ranks of the elders, even Butsuma seemed to consider this, however Kanaya was having her own inner turmoil about the subject itself. She tended to stray away from ideas involving large battles, and Haniyama's idea was basically genocide. The Hagorormo made a poor decision to allie with the Uchiha, yes, however that did not mean they had to die for it. It caused her distress, and (because her opinion was valued) it was up to her to stop this madness at once.

Bloodshed did work, however fear did better.

After much murmuring, the eldest man began to nod, a pipe in his hand. He lit it before he spoke, and it caused Kanaya (who sat to his right) to began to softly choke, alongside Mitama. Hashirama motioned at her, and she swiftly shuffled the baby away from the smoke that made her eyes water into her cousin's safe, tobacco-free, arms.

"We can see your point." Pipe Elder said with a slight nod as he straightened his back loud crack of the bones. "If no one opposes the matter, we can attack with our best shinobi. We cannot allow those demons to-"

"I oppose it." Kanaya's small voice broke through Pipe Elder's voice.

Silence as all eyes turned to the eight year old girl.

Butsuma, who had been quiet for most of this, turned to her with harsh eyes, almost like he was disecting her with his gaze, looking deep into her entire being to see what was under the skin. Kanaya shuffled her feet silently at the tense moment, but kept her face brave as he nodded. "Explain."

Kanaya was sure he'd side with her, after all Butsuma was a harsh man and would do what was best for the clan even if the elders didn't agree.

"I believe it would be," She began, despite the burning glare of Haniyama in her head. "beneficial to reinstate our alliance with the Uzumaki Clan. If you recall, they are masters of sealings, and are a well known, and feared clan. They have a main base on an island near the Fire Country with at least five or six large settlements directly in our country. That is even bigger than the Hagoromo Clan.

"Also, if we were to rekindle the flames of our alliance, word will spread. The Uchiha are stubborn and prideful, but not dumb. They won't attack us directly even with their new alliance if we have the Uzumaki on our side. It also saves the lives of those who would fall in battle during the invasion of the Hagoromo Settlement." She finished with a deep breath, her eyes becoming hard to mask all the fears swirling inside of her. Anxiety is nothing new to her, nor is rejection. She has learned to steel her heart from whatever they may say. Her words soarked up a slur of murmurs and quiet debating from the elders. Hashirama gave her a thumbs-up from his place with Mitama, while Tobirama gave her a nod with a neutral expression. Haniyama was less than pleased, gripping Kanaya's arm so tightly in began to bruise, hatred seeping into her gaze, but Kanaya stared back unflinching.

An alliance was what was best for the clan, however what would be better was a truce, and stopping this fighting. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon, but she'd protect her kinsmen as best as Kanaya could.

The elders slowly began to stop arguing over the matter, each looking content on having voiced their opinions, and finally the Pipe Elder set down his pipe, blowing a puff of smoke at Kanaya. It made her eyes water, but she blinked it away. "On behalf of us all-" there was a pause as he choked- "we believe an alliance to be best for the Uzumaki share our blood." Pipe Elder nodded his head slightly at his words before turning his hard gaze on Butsuma.

The Clan Leader nodded, "I concede with Kanayama on this matter," He stated, while Kanaya flinched at the usage of her complete name. "however, when the oppurtunity arises, we will attack the Uchiha will full force alongside the Uzumaki. Send out a messenger this meeting is closed." And with that he stood and strided towards the exit with a dozen or so elders at his heels like a pack of dogs. Kanaya remains frozen even as Haniyama leaves, and Mitama is given back to her by her dear cousins. Hashirama is happy for her to have voiced her opinion and beat her sister out in a clan matter. Tobirama says nothing, and there is a tension with Haniyama going on.

If this is victory, she wishes to never feel it again. Winning feels like icy dread at what is to come.

...

 _Their blades clashed again, reverberating through the air a noise that could be only described as death itself. This fierce battle of wills was fought by two clans in blurs of reality and color. It was a deadly dance of steel and fire. The smell of rotting flesh drifted on the wind. Men wailed in agony around her; cries of the dead echoed alongside the ringing of metal on metal. Kanaya nearly shrieked as blood painted her skin, a dead man's body tarped over her own as kunai plunged into his back, crimson splattering the cold ground. It went on for hours and hours until an ungodly shriek erupted-_

Kanaya's entire body jerked up, her throat closing up painfully as her baby sister wailed in her ear. Tears choked her up as her body erupted in shivers, her muscles locked into place painfully, almost like being frozen alive. It wasn't until Mitama almost rolled off the bed that caused her to move, picking up the baby with shaking hands and slowly settling her down with a rocking motion as her mind raced to figure out where she was.

 _Home. Home. Home. Home._ She told herself, but her mind was still on that battlefield. It was a place of death and suffering, of agony and of horrors, of damage and shattering, of blood and tears. A battlefield is...is...

Kanaya wanted to leave the whole war behind her, and there was something on that battlefield that demanded commemoration as it replayed in her dreams. Yes, even her dreams were not safe from being poisoned and turned into nightmares. Dreams were a place where memories go to find purpose for their existence, they are a way for people to find happiness in little ways. Most dream of a relative or a happy time, sweet memories to cherish.

Others like Kanaya found memories turned in heart-pounding nightmares that they can never escape. Childhood memories should be filled with carefree, games in the warm sun; not a living nightmare of a gore-filled battlefield.

Her first few battles would always be laced into her mind, always there to haunt her until the eight year old couldn't sleep. Rocking Mitama, she realized something dreadful.

Uncle Butsuma wants to send me out into the field again...

The thought burrowed into her heart as she realized this fact. It coiled into her entire body until Kanaya was gagging with fear. Little Mitama must have felt her dark emotions because she began to get distressed herself, and Kanaya realized that one day Mitama would be a kunoichi. One day her sweet little Mitama would be in the same position. It made her even sicker.

Mitama settles into a sleep again, her breathing easy and Kanaya leans in, giving her a soft kiss before lying her back down onto her side of the futon and tucked the blue-and-green quilt that Airi had made around her small body. "Don't worry, Imouto." She promised. "I'm going to make sure that you never, ever have bad dreams. And if you do, I'm going to make them all go away, I promise. I just need to get my own head together..."

For a few moments there was silence as Kanaya stared into the darkness and she spoke again, time to the world around her. "I can fix everything. I can fix this world."

But even Kanaya doubted her own words.


	3. Chapter 3

**3.**

Everybody was dying, or already dead, or leaving other people to die, and Kanaya was simply distraught at the state of the world. It had first started with Fall; it had succumbed to death's grip first and quietly (under her nose) turned to Winter, a season that she had always particularly liked at this point in time.

One morning, when Kanaya had awaked, she saw the feathery frost on her windowpane, and her excitement did not crease to fade for hours. It was cold enough for her to have to bundle up, and toss away those tedious yukata and kimono thst she pretended to be comfortable in while secretly sure she felt as if she had been wrapped in a tight swaddle like a infant. The cold was such a relief to her, and Kanaya was not ashamed to admit that she had been outside playing in it for the first few days of winter. Her pleasures died after a raid by the Uchiha, and she had been forced to abandon Mitama when she rushed out to fight against them, leaving her beloved sister with Riku-sama.

Thankfully it hadn't been a large group, and they were easily fought off, allowing them to stay at their settlement without fear of having to move in the snow. There was always a dread about being outside when snow fell; a single snowflake could be the beginning of a blizzard. Kanaya however, pushed all of these negative memories and thoughts out of her mind because today was her little sister's first birthday. She would be damned if she let ANYONE ruin it, even if Mitama would not remember a moment of it, the emotions she feels will remain.

Mitama had grown quite a bit (though she was still as pink as she was when she was born), and she was very cute. Her hair was very long, resting in dark ringlets that left Kanaya envious of her hair, and her eyes had a childish innocence in them that made you loose yourself in her eyes. No one with a soul could resist Little Mitama (except for Haniyama, but she did not have a soul), and Mitama loved attention. It was an exciting time for Kanaya, she had been there through all of her sister's milestones. Her first word was (not surprisingly) Neechan, and Kanaya had proceeded to march around the compound with the little girl in her arms, and a proud smile on her lips. The Senju did not seem to mind the fact that Kanaya stopped every man and women in the entire settlement (even Butsuma) to allow Mitama to babble out the word, and the baby seemed equally as excited over it as her elder sister. When Mitama walked, that was a different story entirely.

Kanaya had cried when her little sister walked; her tears had lasted hour upon hour. She cried for two reasons (one of which she was ashamed about), and the first was because she was damn proud that HER sister had managed to walk at a simple ten months, and was a prodigy in the making. Kanaya was sure that Mitama would one day surpass her; leaving the elder girl in the shadows with all of her achievements. The second reason being, she mourned her sister's innocence.

Mitama was developing quickly, and that meant that she would be on a battlefield just as quickly. How could Kanaya bear to know that in a few short years, six year old Mitama would be in the very same position that Kanaya had been in. She would be crying herself to sleep; mourning her dead comrades (her friends); be consumed by a blackness in her soul that would eat away at her for all of her days.

It sent Kanaya into fits of tears at how she could do absolutely nothing to protect her sister, like she could do nothing to protect herself.

There was blackness was within her, but that was where it should be. It was like black ice was blooming in her veins; which was worse than burning-rage. There was a sharp feeling left in her chest, that burned her soul-the bitter taste of failure. Kanaya was weak, her wind's uselessness; her sister left to die alongside her clan. Childish icy venegance burrowed in her heart, as big as a glaicer and it would one day release; destroying anything in its path.

Of course, such emotions were pushed away into the back of her mind, and today's smile was geniuine as she watched Mitama with Hashirama, both looked quite frustrated with the other.

Hashirama was wiggling his finger in her face as he would a baby. "Say Hashi-rama!" He encouraged her, using cooes and "baby talk" which caused Mitama to glare at him with her dark grey eyes. Her mouth was clamped shut, her eyes were hard (the exact same stubborn face that Kanaya made), and she looked angry at her cousin. He wiggled his finger once more, before Mitama opened her mouth to 'say something', and she leaned in to clamp down her little, pearl-white baby teeth onto the tan boy's finger.

Hashirama flung himself backwards with as much force as he could while wailing, leaving Kanaya choking back laughter at the sight, and even Tobirama's face twitched into a smile. The kunoichi stood up, and approached the little girl with an amused look, and Mitama's arms raised to be picked up, however the girl simply crouched down in front of her. "Mitama, say Nee-chan." She demanded in the same voice that Hashirama had used, and Mitama took no notice of it.

The baby smiled, "Ee-tan." She cooed out, chubby hands flailing in delight at the word while Kanaya shot Hashirama a mocking smile.

"Maybe she just doesn't like you, Hashi-Itoko." She teased, and to her surprise Hashirama took the bait and began another episode of his chronic depression, taking to sitting in the corner of the room.

"Yeah." He muttered to himself. "I'm a really unlike-able person..." Hashirama seemed to fold over into himself more, while Kanaya began to laugh at the fact this 12 year old would one day leave lead the clan, and if she did not know him, she would be questioning his sanity.

Tobirama crossed his arms in a rather intimidating pose, red eyes narrowing in disapproval, not at Kanaya's jabs at his brother's child-rearing skills, but at his brother directly for his child-like behavior, and Kanaya made sure to take two steps back, because she would never cross him when he did that I'm-really-annoyed pose that he did so well. Mitama was squealing, Hashirama was pouting, and Tobirama was frowning; Kanaya was pretty happy at how everything turned out.

She did not mind that Haniyama had not bothered to show up; Kanaya didn't even want to invite her, but she did. Haniyama was cold towards her littlest sister, often calling her "the bastard", and Kanaya fears that if she had not taken Mitama when she was born, Haniyama would have left the poor infant to die. Butsuma did not attend the make-shift party either, he was busy tending to clan matters and a first birthday was not important.

Usually, a seventh birthday was most important and the only one celebrated, seeing as it meant the child had been strong enough to survive past infancy and childhood. Seven was the magic number for battlefields and clan wars, however Kanaya felt that Mitama deserved more.

Kanaya could not even remember if she had ever had a "party" of any kind. She had recieved one or two gifts (mostly from the Senju Brothers), but never had anyone truly celebrate her birth. With that thought on her mind, she wonders if Haniyama had ever had a birthday either; perhaps not because Haniyama's birth and childhood years had been during a terrible time for the clan. A plague had swept through, weakening the Senju Forces significantly, and causing Uchiha advantage. Kanaya doesn't even know when Haniyama's birthday is, but she does not care to, because Haniyama is not one of her main concerns.

Here, in this room, is her important people. They are laughing, eating sweet breads (there was not enough rations for cakes), and simply enjoying each other's presense. This is what Kanaya lives for; small moments of peace.

...

She brewed his tea in a chipped blue pot, one that she was given from one of the dead women in the clan, and was older than she was, before she poured it into a white cup with faded chrysanthemums on them, stems twisting onto the handles of the cup. She dropped in a dollop of sugar and cream to sweeten the bitter leaves, before handing it off to her uncle. He sat by the window, cup in hand, watching the first snow fall outside before he took a sip. "Kanayama, how old are you?" he sighed deeply.

"I'll be nine in a week." She replied slowly, taking a sip of her own tea, eyes narrowing at why this meeting was called at all, and she wanted to go see Mitama.

"A good age for this assignment. Your mission is simple." He said looking up into her eyes with his stern, caluclating expression. "Your target is Fuuma Amaya, the only daughter of a feudal lord in the Land of Rice Paddies. His army is starting to march towards the Land of Fire to try and gain land, and the daimyō had hired us to stop this at once." He paused to sip at his tea again, before he continued where he left off as she refilled his cup to brim. "The girl is being sent away in two days from their base camp, and I am told she will be sent into Uchiha territory for protection." His dark eyes bore into her own cold ones. "There may be Uchiha guards within her group, and it will be difficult. Your task is to assassinate her before she makes it to Uchiha protection. Questions?"

"Yes."

"Speak."

"Why would I be the best choice this-" The word got stuck in her throat, and it choked her. Why would she be chosen for an assassination? She had never been told to so before, and how could she kill an innocent? As far as Kanaya knew, the princess of Fuuma was a lady, not a kunoichi. How could a eight year old do such a thing to her?

Butsuma delivered a sharp look, "We have heard she has a soft spot for little children. Besides, it is time you begin to pull your weight around this clan. Shinobi do as they are told." His voice was one that clearly spoke no-nonsense. Kanaya nodded obediantly, and considered her words carefully this time.

"Would it not be easier to assassinate the princess's father instead?" She inquired. Her toes peeked out from under her kimono, and she tapped them erratically to take some of her tension away, before she looked up to meet her uncle's eyes. "Why would the murder of a gentlewoman effect an invasion?"

Butsuma paused for a few moments, before he stood, brushing his armor off. Kanaya noted how he did not thank her for her efforts in making this a formal occasion, or even brewing tea. His heavy toeless boots stomped as he made his way towards her door, and just as it slid open, and winter floated in, he spoke.

She could not see his expression, but there was a heaviness in his voice. "How could you bear to do anything if your sister was killed? Loved ones are the beginning and ending of wars."

The door slammed shut.

...

It takes a good while before Kanaya was on the correct path. There wasn't much of a path per se, once she had been navigating a route, instead she did her best with tracking them like a hunter to a bear, using smal signs of her target's presence as leverage for a bigger goal. The mountain she's on—Kanaya has never seen large mountains before—is too large, and too cold for her tastes. Her kimono is not thick enough to defend her body against the bitter cold that burns her fingers, and she shivers. The ground is frozen over, with ice so deep it covers her ankles, and there is a valley below her, with snow that is beginning to pile up, getting too close to the ledge she was traveling on, and she felt naked without her armor.

For a little girl, she was quite skilled at staying out of sight – though it should've been expected after all of those lessons with Kazou-sensei - this was not the first time she had to disappear from sight. Survival was often based on how fast you run or how well you can hide; both were skills that Kanaya had perfected. She followed the princess's caravan during the day; watching the way guards switched; when the princess took walks; even how the horses traveled in the snow. The Uchiha guards were impressive; they had been looking suspicious, causing Kanaya to expect they would soon discover her presence. She was careful; only eating and drinking during breaks which were on par with when the caravan took rests.

Kanaya never did enjoy her breaks; when her body ached look forward to them intensely, but as soon as they begin, she prays for them to end quickly as her mind attacks her. The thoughts of what she would do to an innocent swirled around inside of her, and she found it hard to concentrate on anything other than the guilt that gnawed away at her.

Meditation did not relieve her of her anxiety, instead it gave her more time to fear the duty assigned to her The cold burned her cheeks, and the snow whipped around at her face, and she felt her fingers slowly freeze. She curled into her kimono from her place on a tree branch, observing the tents that rested less than 100 feet away, and the sun was slowly setting, casting an orange-red glow across the pure white (and probably warm) tents that held Amaya-Hime, and her noble ladies. The largest belonged to the Fuuma Heiress, and it was embroidered with golden silk into an elegant design of a story of goddess and gods, and a sick smile plays at Kanaya's lips when one of the stories portrays the fierce Goddess Haniyama. Kanaya had learned this tent belonged to Amaya-hime around the time she learned there was a ten minute guard chage that left the Fuuma Clan Princess unguarded around midnight.

It had to be tonight. Tonight she had to kill an innocent princess. Her stomach tightened at the thought. Her mind raced with confusion and shame, and the kunai clutched in her hands felt too heavy for her to hold it. Kanaya wanted to vomit, her own body betraying her as she dry gagged.

 _Shinobi feel nothing. Shinobi do as they are told. Shinobi do not fail._ She told herself, firmly.

Kanaya waits patiently until the sun has descended far too west for any type of light to pour in from the sky; and a breath of wind ruffles her hair, and she slowly jumps from her branch towards the cold ground, and she inhales a lungful of icy air that burns her chest. The silence of the camp caused her heartbeat to echo all around the area, and besides the guards, no one else has ventured into the night; the guards have not yet noticed her presence though, so no one is out. Her footsteps fall silent, and she is careful to cover her prints in the snow, though she doubts anyone can see them in the dark. She nears the largest tent, and she shakes with cold, the chill of the air slicing through her clothes. Kanaya feels small in the dark, chilled, and guilty.

She remains by the side of a third, smaller tent belonging to a young lady, and two Uchiha stand (both wrapped in warm furs) as they speak in hushed tone. It takes a few moments before the two leave, and Kanaya chokes down a whimper when she sees their demon eyes: the Sharingan. The elder one is the ome with those red demon eyes, and the second is a boy around Hashirama's age. He is, from what Kanaya can see, quite handsome like all Uchiha scum. He was slender, with slightly tanned skin, and a scruff of wild black hair that goes to his shoulders. The boy looks in her direction, and for a moment she fears she has been seen. However, he turns away and follows his clansmen. They do not see her, nor does she see them after they disappear into the darkness of their own cloth-homes.

She has limited time, so she quickly descends onto the the grand tent, and Kanaya glances back over her shoulder to check for an all-clear. Her hand wraps around the flap, and she stops, frozen and poised, wavering on her decision to finish this mission. How could she do this? It was different from other missions, where she killed to protect herself and her family. This was...murder.

She glance back at the empty, silent void of night, remembering the coldness of her family towards Gin Senju, who refused a mission, and was shunned and abused by the clan until he killed himself, using Seppuku. It had been a horrific burial; Gin was not allowed a coffin with the Senju Crest, instead he was throw in the dirt shamefully. Kanaya takes one last breath of bitter air, opening the flap, and silently slid inside.

It was easy to see the woman laying on the silk futon, and a paper latern flickers in the corner. Kanaya assumes it is for if Amaya-Hime is to wake during the night, and must move around.

The woman had fallen asleep on her back, with her face turned towards the scrolls to the left of her futon, and Kanaya is thankful she won't see her face during this. Amaya-Hime had a fist curled up by her face (they were uncalloused, and Kanaya assumed she'd never touched a kunai in her life), which was half covered in long, orange locks. Kanaya could hear her soft breathing just barely coming out of her slightly ajar mouth, and her heart beats madly in her chest as she thinks about what she needed to do, and...

Kanaya's hands trembled, as her knees hit the soft carpet that had been laid down for the elder girl, and she leaned towards Amaya-Hime, and she hesitated, the knife hovering over the girl's chest.

 _I can't do this..._

Tears burned her eyes, and Kanaya wanted her mother right about now. Her hands remained frozen around the knife until two teal eyes opened blurrily, then focused on her. Amaya-Hime's mouth opened to shriek, but all that came out was a gurgled, choke as her eyes darted down to see Kanaya's knife embedded in her chest.

It takes all of two minutes to watch the light flicker, then fade out of the older woman's eyes, and Kanaya is sure that she pierced the heart directly. Blood splattered all over her; it sprayed across her cheeks; stained her kimono; with a metallic taste gagging her. Panic caused her to do it so quickly, and guilt stabbed her heart as painfully as what she did to the woman.

Kanaya heard noises, and within seconds, she used the basic body flicker to escape from the tent before anyone decided to check on the Fuuma Heiress, and she ran as quickly as she could away from the small night-settlement, fear lacing all of her being. She could feel someone touching the back of her neck, even if no one was there, and she could feel their breath against her body.

It only urged her to go faster.

...

As Kanaya returned to the Senju Base Camp, she then realized there was nowhere to go, nowhere left to run. The stinging of her cheeks and ache of her bones had distracted her for a good while, and now she is facing this terrible truth. She felt, as tears fell, just how tired she truly was, a tiredness that had nothing to do with the fact she had not slept all night; a tiredness stemming from her hatred of this world.

The weight of the memory of what she had done hours ago, rested on her like a boulder on her shoulders. She stood by the gates (still in her blood stained clothing), and slowly rose her eyes up to see the sun beginning to rise from the east. It was then that something donned on Kanaya.

"I turn nine years old today..."

...

 _ **Okay, thank you so much for the reviews. I highly doubted I would get any! So first, that Uchiha boy she saw guarding the tent was in fact Uchiha Madara (not that she knew that), and she will see him again when it is revealed Hashirama has been meeting him. So look forward to that. Second, I know Kanaya is depressing for nine years old, with all of her inner darkness and fears and such, and while Hashirama plays everything off as a joke, she is the one to keep everything straight forward. Kanaya has no coping skills, so she is kind of dark, but she gets better, I promise. It's just a terrible time in Naruto History, and I doubt anyone cared to see how a little girl felt about anything. The next chapter is being written as we speak.**_

 _ **Please drop me a review and enjoy!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**4.**

After a victory, the Senju usually have a small celebration amongst themselves. It is then, when Kanaya sits obediantly to the side, sipping cider while her clansmen drink beer, and if they get drunk enough, stories are passed along the fire. In every story that Kanaya can ever claim she has heard amongst the smoke of the victory fire had, the good guys would feel in the pitfall in their gut that something was going to happen. Anxiety or restlessness always settles into their blood, and they just know that something bad is going to happen.

There is always a deep, deep fear in Kanaya's gut all the time, but this time, it resides in her blood too. Like as a protagonist of her own life (or story) she just knows that something was going to happen even if she could not imagine what this something is, and is not even aware of what her feeling means. All she has to say now, is if she had ignored the feeling, her life may have been different. Maybe not a bad different; a Kanaya that is no longer stressed, but also no longer strong either.

Winter was melting back into spring, and raining was nothing new to her family. In fact, the Senju celebrated rain as it replenished the wildlife around their homes; it strengthened the forest, and helped grow food. When change approached Kanaya, it came in the form of two boys huddled under a tree as the rain fell, with dreams bigger than they were.

Kanaya was inside with her family, blissfully unaware that those two boys were sitting together under a tree watching the river, and making plans.

…

The tapping of fingers against the floor was the only sound that could be heard, and Kanaya was frowning at the erratic noise. Toka kept staring at her, then continued tapping until Kanaya wanted to scream. "Will you just ask?" Was she this annoying towards Haniyama? She almost pitied her elder sister. Almost.

"Is it dead?" Toka rushed out, almost choking on her words. "Is my sister dead? It's been so long-" She stopped when Kanaya slapped her hand onto her larger hand, and shook her head vigorously.

Kanaya waited ten seconds before she hesitantly allowed the girl's hands to be freed, before slightly raising her palm to slap her hand again if she tapped against the wood. Toka took her signal, and hand her hands in her laps like good lady.

She sighed, "They are fine, I promise. It's only been three hours." Kanaya watched as her face was slightly more comforted and continued, "Mitama took a whole two days, and my birth was like a whole ten hours. Besides, I'd be more worried about what's wrong with the baby when it comes out."

"What do you mean?" Her fingers tapped at the ground again, causing her younger friend to wince delicately.

Kanaya ignored her, instead she played with the sode-kukuri cords that went through her sleeves and open shoulders, and she yanked them out, before retying them. Toka kept her shaking her, but Kanaya kept her face blank. Her hands moved towards her kosode, fiddling with it's obi, and Toka became even more agitated by the second, her tapping becoming erratic.

If you can annoy me, I'll annoy you.

The slits on the side of her hakama, and the openings at the sleeves and shoulders of her hitoe showed the white kosode she wore, and Kanaya didn't even know that it did. She was mildly impressed that she had never actually looked at her clothing. Toka continuely tried to get her attention, and the female ignored her until finally she stopped her tapping.

Kanaya looked pleased at the lack of noise, "Well, Tobirama was born with a frown on his face." She stated matter-of-factly. "And Mitama was born looking like an pink, scrunchy egg. I heard Kenji's son was born with only nine fingers, and Genki's daughter had a cone-shaped head." Toka frowned, which looked off with her pointed chin, so she seemed to scowl slightly.

"Could my sister have only nine fingers?" The twelve year old asked, with a raised eyebrow. Kanaya nodded once more.

"How do you know it's a girl? I think it's a boy-"

"Don't say such things." chided Toka. "It has to be a girl. My name means Peach Blossom, and her name is going to be Momoka, and her name with mean Peach Tree. Mother wants a theme."

Her words caused a reaction out of Kanaya, who sighed defeatedly. She felt like Hashirama at that point, her entire body slumping as she groaned, "Theme names are horrid." She confirmed. "Especially is Auntie wants another baby, then she has to try and find another name that matches."

Toka cocked her head to the side, a smirk playing at her lips. "You don't approve of your name? Godly names might give you a few blessings. I like Kanayama and Mitama."

To say Kanaya hated her name was an understatement, she loathed Kanayama with every fiber of her being, and could not bear to even write it down on paper, so most of her reports were written under _Takuma's Daughter._

It made it easier on her as she had little talent in Kanji. Writing was not quite her strongest talent, nor was she taught it for very long; she was no scholar.

Her siblings names were not any better, in fact Mitama was the the only one with a normal length name in their family, and Kanaya was grateful for it. She gave Toka a disbelieving look. "Yes. Everytime someone says my name, another piece of metal is born. Besides, tell me you would name your son Ohonamochi. Be honest." She inquired with a pout on her lips.

The girl frowned, "No." Kanaya nodded knowingly. Her older brother is dead, yes, and she probably shouldn't talk about his name like it's a curse, but she highly doubted he was watching over her every word. She paused, to consider this. Did Ohonamochi watch over Haniyama? Did he even know about Mitama or Kanayama? Did he miss his little sister?

She tried to figure out if she was born around the time Ohonamochi, and he would have died around the time she was born. Two weeks later, his mother would die too, leaving Haniyama without a mother to care for her. Haniyama was only eight and stuck with a little sister she didn't know what to do with while Mitoki (Kanaya's mother) was sickly, seemingly like Kanaya and Mitama.

They sat in silence for another few moments, and Kanaya squirmed in discomfort at how cold/warm it was. She was never quite sure what she felt because winter and spring were fighting outside, and the window was open besides them. It was either too hot or too cold for certain moments. Toka leaned forward from her place against the wooden wall, her gaze trailing down the corridor.

"I asked Hashirama to come. Do you know where he is?" Toka asked, after finding their was no depressed boy pouting down either hallway. Kanaya nodded her head.

"He asked me to cover his shift for laundry. Hashi-Itoko is...skipping rocks. I'm not sure how; the river should still be frozen." Kanaya shrugged, but had confidence in the elder boy. If he told Toka would come, he would be here eventually. Hashirama NEVER lied, especially to his cousins. Toka nudged her, her face darkened.

"Did you hear they are sending Uzumaki eminences to negotiate a full alliance?" Toka asked quietly, as she scanned the area with her the only eye that was not covered by her dark hair. Kanaya nodded slowly, because she was the one who had brought the Uzumaki alliance to the attention of the council. Toka examined the area once more because the walls have ears.

"Father told me that Butsuma-sama called him privately to go over a list of girls that can be married to one of the Uzumaki main family. I hear you have quite a few handsome cousins," Toka winked teasinly before she got serious again. "Haniyama, you, and I were all on that list. That's why they are encouraging us to wear these." She referred to the long-sleeved kimono she wore, and Kanaya then noticed her hair was down instead of pinned up high on her scalp. The younger nodded, kicking her feet out, trying yo stretch them to hit the other wall. She failed because of her shortness.

"I'll talk to the council to get us off the list." Kamaya promised, then her eyed sparkled as she leaned towards her friend. "Ano..is Lady Tsunada on that list?" She whispered, "The old bat is always trying to get married." A sly grin picks up on Toka's face.

"Your Lady Master Tsunada? Your healing sensei..." Toka giggled, and her eyes were as cruel as Tobirama's, making Kanaya freeze. "I think I might tell her what you just said."

Kanaya's arms waved madly, and she shook her head rapidly from side to side. "No! No! I..mean...I-I was kidding! She'll throttle me, y'know!" The door opened, and Toka's dad quietly motioned her inside. Toka stood, brushing herself off, and slowly went into the room.

"Toka! T-Toka! You're not gonna tell her, right? Toka?!"

The door shut.

...

Kanaya staggered backwards as Tobirama's fist smashed against her shoulder, and he gave her ten seconds to find new ground before he attacked again, his fist moving towards her face, and Kanaya threw herself down. His fist flew past her face so quickly that it ruffled her hair, and the girl regrouped from her place at the floor.

She flung her foot out to knock him off his feet, and within a second Tobirama was in the air, and Kanaya's leg met air. She twisted, doing a backflip to get back onto her feet, and Tobirama landed in a crouch, waiting for her to attack. Kanaya charged, lashing out blindly until she felt her fist connect with muscled flesh, and continued to attack.

She got one or two blows, and Tobirama met each of her other attacks head on, countering and delivering her own blows like it was as easy as a dance. His forearms met her hands, blocking her access to his chest and face, and Tobirama attacked her lower abdomen with speed that Kanaya could only imagine. She was forced to retreat backwards as he delivered a painful (and she knows he held back on her) blow to her side, sending her sprawling the otherside of the dojo, and she winced. He paused to make sure she was okay, but she was already back up to fight.

Kanaya had to admit, she had a lot of stamina due to her Uzumaki blood, and she could do this all day...or for an hour or two. Either way, she was ready to try again. He ran at her, and she tensed to prepare for his oncoming beating. He swung at her face, and she blocked it with her elbow, using her knees to go for his stomach. He was swift, jerking his body backwards to avoid that attack, and Kanaya moved her arm to punch him in the gut while he was weakened.

As Tobirama moved his arms to block her movements, she pulled her fist at the last moment while he was distracted, and swung at him. She crunched her small fist into his face with relative ease, and jumped backwards with a beam on her face.

Kanaya is small, and usually she defends and dances around attacks, but today she's getting solids blows on her elder cousin, and it leaves her breathless with excitement. Tobirama is faster (faster than most adults), but impressive enough, Kanaya is matching him nicely. Hashirama would have wiped the floor with her by now, but Tobirama seems to have more fun drawing this out than just winning.

She lashed out on him with more confidence this time; her body moving as quickly as it can with punches and kicks aimed right for his face (he had that face guard on anyway) and Tobirama kept blocking. Kanaya struck again, and he caught her hand, holding it tightly.

It happened so quickly that she had no idea what she did. As soon as she saw his hand aimed for her face, Kanaya (with him still holding her fist) ducked down to avoid it at the last second, and her left foot went flying up. It caught Tobirama's jaw, and he was thrown into the air; he was forced to release her hand when she did this.

Even Butsuma (who was observing them from the otherside of the dojo) looked quite impressed, and Kanaya's mouth was open in shock that she managed that. Tobirama caught himself in the air, his feet touching the ceiling for some grounding, and he fell back down in a crouch waiting for her to attack. Kanaya made a move to continue, but Butsuma stopped them.

"Enough!"

Both children paused, as he called them over to him to review what he had seen.

"Father."

"Uncle."

Both children chimed respectfully. The man was sitting on a cushion with his legs crossed, and Kanaya followed Tobirama's lead as she sat down next to the boy. Kanaya made sure to bow her head to the man first before she looked at him. Her hands rested atop her thighs, fingers resting onto of each one, and feet beneath his rear. It was the respectful posture to use in front of the clan leader, and was very uncomfortable, but once again she was the perfect Senju Princess.

It was the usual weekly training session, because Kanaya was still Butsuma's ward, and it was his duty to train his brother's child. Usually this fight was between Hashirama and Kanaya, but today was one of those days when Hashirama disappeared into those woods. Butsuma looked down at them approvingly, nodding slowly.

He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a knock on the wood of the door. "Butsuma-sama."

"Enter."

Frowning at the floor, Kanaya grimaced at the sound of her elder sister. As the lead advisor and general, Haniyama kept a eye on the changes of the world, and was also in charge of news such as enemy movements, job offers from the feudal lords, and natural disasters that could affect the clan. Haniyama was a powerful kunoichi with her own spy network up that not even Butsuma could match, and she'd proven herself an effective replacement for Takuma. Haniyama tended to stay away from Kanaya, and she must have importany news, as no one dared interrupt the clan head when he was training his heirs (if Kanaya could be considered one), so when she entered, Kanaya's back straightened.

"Rise."

Tobirama did so gracefully, straightening his back, and not showing an emotion on his blank face. Kanaya stood the same way (stumbling a bit), and she watched the woman in wonder. Haniyama's hair is in a traditional bun, with two beautiful kanzashi in her dark brown hair. She wears a elaborare, traditional multi-layered kimono of different colours with those really long sleeves to signal her purity, and Kanaya remembers what Toka had said. Did her sister want to get married?

Kanaya has assumed she wanted to continue to be a kunoichi...How much did she really not know about her elder sister?

"-very worrying..." Haniyama trailed off, presenting the scroll she'd been holding in her sleeve to their uncle. Kanaya cursed herself for her lack of attention, and Butsuma looked towards Tobirama.

He scowled, "Where is Hashirama? We need a clan council meeting..."

Kanaya froze, remembering how earlier that day (for the one thousandth time), he asked her to cover for him while he went outside to skip rocks on the newly melted river. He promised to bring Mitama some berries for a jam in return, so she agreed. Tobirama went to speak, but Kanaya got it out first.

"He went to find berries!" She almost yelled. "Last year he found many, many wild berries around this time and he wanted to go see if they are there or if the animals got them." Kanaya did her best innocent smile. "I'll go get him." She volunteered. Butsuma nodded his approval, and she bowed as she was dismissed.

She hoped that skipping rocks was **ALL** he was hiding.

...

Spring rain struck the trees that Kanaya was under softly, water running down in small rivulets that flowed from branch to branch until it became broke free and to fell with a quiet splash into the forming puddles to the ground. Those puddles became little rivers that flowed ad eddied in ever-changing patterns as it went down hill.

Kanaya followed Hashirama's chakra (her sensory did well for tracking him), and she followed it. How he could be out in the rain? The smell of wet dirt was not so appealing after awhile, and often times Hashirama did not like to stray far from his brother. She tried to assure herself that it was probably nothing, but she was getting worried. Hashirama was not a solitary person. He loved people (especially his family) and being alone for hours should not have made him that happy all the time. Her stomach twisted as she came closer, suppressing her own chakra just in case there were any enemies in the area that she did not know about as she alighted on a branch in a tree near the river. Two trees away, she could sense Hashirama, and she jumped down as she got closer.

That's when it hit her. The chakra was close in proximity to Hashirama's, and was too familiar. It was strange...it felt like her own chakra, like loose wind, but it also felt like a calm, victory fire that is lit when you win a battle. She gets closer, a kunai in her hand as precaution.

Her heart is beating crazily in her chest, and it dead stops when she sees a familiar face. It's another boy around Hashirama's age with slightly tanned skin and a wild mane of hair, and...It's that Uchiha! The one from the Fuuma Camp.

Kanaya could see how he was happier if he'd had company by the river, and they were laughing together like old friends. Was this what he been doing for so long?

This is horrible. This is very, very horrible. If that Uchiha figured out who Hashirama was...it was too horrific to think about. He could wait until Hashirama is defenseless and-

Kanaya gagged, before she turned around, using as much speed as she could to get away from the seen. She felt like there was fire in her blood, how could this happen? How could Hashirama be friends with one of _them_.

What was she supposed to do with this information...


	5. Chapter 5

**5.**

It has always been her duty to be the strong one; everyone else broke too easily. Haniyama scowls, Hashirama smiles, Tobirama frowns, and Kanaya has to be the strong one. She is the one who has always done that, she's the roots behind a carefully planted tree.

Kanaya always imagined her family like a tree; Hashirama is the wood, reliable and sturdy. Tobirama, he has always been the constant rain that makes the tree grow. Itama, Mitama, and Kawarama are the leaves; beautiful and always there. Kanaya has only ever seen herself as the roots, the part that got dirty to keep the tree standing tall; a part that did the work, but no ones care for. Yeah, Kanaya is always the roots.

She hides under the ground, keeping all the mud and muck with her so everything runs smoothly, and Kanaya has played her position to perfection. She is a good sister, she is a talented kunoichi, and she is hiding a secret that could be used to call her cousin a traitor.

Kanaya is a secret-keeper, anyone within the clan can tell anything; those words are kept locked within her heart forever, and she will care them to her grave. This one, however, decides how life will be from now on. If Hashirama is ever caught, then he could be branded a traitor, and Kanaya could end up right next to him to await execution, if it is ever found out she knew and did not speak of it. How can she?

Hashirama is her everything, he always has been. He is her elder brother, her teacher, her caregiver, her friend, and he is whatever she needs him to be because the wood of an oak tree is sturdy, reliable, and strong within itself. Kanaya's mind and heart rebels from each other's decisions, and it causes an inner-conflict that leaves her breathless.

Part of her wants to scream about what he did from the roof tops of each building in the settlement, while the other told her to be loyal to the boy, and keep her mouth sealed. How would Butsuma react? Would he be furious and exile his own son? Would he force Hashirama to kill his friend? Could Hashirama be able to kill a friend?

Kanaya has never know the boy to be able to even tease his friends if it upsets them too much; could he be able to kill or betray that Uchiha?

Should she share what she has seen, or stay quiet?

"Oi, gaki!" Kanaya's head snapped up as she stared at Lady Tsunada with wide eyes, almost like her ladyship had discovered all her secrets.

"H-hai?" She said with a sweet smile, nervous tucking her hands around the cloth on her belt. The elder woman did not look impressed by her behavior, instead she motioned around.

"Please, do keep ignoring this wounded man. It's not like he is bleeding or anything." She sneered saracastically. Kanaya took the signal, and nodded vigoriously.

"Hai, Tsunada-sama. Sorry..."

There was one major stab wound, severe burning, the man was unresponsive.

Chakra flowed from her hands and into his body. She closed her eyes and focused on him, and all that she knew was his chakra pathways and the manner that they coincided with his veins. The burns were severe, yes, but not her main concern. She felt Tsunada's eyes on her back, and her hands glowed dark blue.

She seperated her hands, placing one on the deep stab, and another on the top of his chest. Blood seeped out of the artery each time his heart beat, and her body went on some sort of mode; like everything she has every been taught, every drip of medical knowledge she had was being brought before her. In seconds she knew what she needed to do. His chest (despite minor internal bleeding) could be ignored until after the wound to his artery could be fixed. It wasn't deep, but it was fatal.

Tsunada made a noise behind her, and Kanaya realized she had paused once more. Her chakra flared to her hands again this time, and she pressed against the wound, her fingers trembling. In any other case, she would have sent her healing chakra through his chakra pathway, but it was bleeding too heavily for her to waste time there, so she sent it directly to the wounded artery. Beads of sweat dripped from her face from the effort to keep her charka healing and gentle, anything too agressive could rip the tissue into something unhealable. Tsunada watched her with dark eyes, and Kanaya didn't even get a trickle of nervousness as she was too into patient treatment. She worked on the minor internal bleeding while her chakra was already inside his inner tissue.

Once she determined the wound was mended (there was some scarring, but Kanaya could do nothing for it), she turned her attention towards the major burns. Burns were by far the easiest to heal, especially because of all the dead skin. She poured her chakra into the tops of each other his charred legs, and the skin seems to fall off, as new skin was forming under the burned, disgusting burns. The air smelled off cooked flesh, and it made her gag as blood flowed onto her hands alongside puss that showed infection, and she would need to get his legs in a oitntment soon. Her chakra changed to green, and the his cells multiplied into new cells, and soon enough the infected area was turning into flesh-looking colors.

Silently, Tsunada set down a few pieces of large, white cloth and a small jars next to her. Kanaya stopped her treatment; she procceed to apply the light green, foul smelling ointment onto his skin. She fliched slightly at the smell, but continued to rub it onto the darkened skin before wrapping it up with the cloths.

Tsunada gave her a proud nod, her eyes scrutinizing all of Kanaya's work down to the last detail, and she smiled. "I don't know why you insist on staying with the men in battle." She stated (she always gives Kanaya this speech), and she offers her a head shake. "I could talk to my brother and have you put directly with the healers instead of fighting. You such a talent for healing, dear."

Kanaya smiled lightly at how Tsunada called Butsuma "brother" so easily, almost like she did not care he was clan leader. Her aunt, Tsunada, was beautiful at her age of almost 36, with long hair the color of freshly-cut wheat, and honey blossom eyes, it was funny how she did not look like Takuma or Butsuma. Tsunada was one of the few healers that fell in line with the men in battle; she rushed onto fighting grounds, dodging kunai and shuriken to heal her clansmen. There were women healers, yes, however they mostly stayed in the settlement while the men healers were on-hand medics.

Tsunada eyes glanced at her before she continued speaking, "I know why you were spacing out for a few moments. I know what your hiding~"

This caused Kanaya to freeze in her motions to twist the cap back onto the ointment jar, and she felt like someone was crushing her lung withs their bare hands. "W-what?"

There was no way Tsunada could know; she was not informed of these things. How could she? Would she tell on Hashirama? Has she told? What can Kanaya do?

"Tsunada-sama, I-"

"No need to lie, dear. All the girls are thinking about the upcoming visit from the Uzumaki clan."

Kanaya's entire body seemed to deflate, and she almost wanted to cry at how relieved she was. "Hai. I thought of how nice it would be to meet some of my uncles, and I believe a cousin or two." She lied with a sheepish grin.

 _I've gotten really good at pretending..._

Tsunada nodded, "All of the men seemed to be fighting over which daughter gets to be married off into an alliance. Even Toka-san's father wants her to be married off." Kanaya nodded slowly as she wiped off the cot that the man laid on; she was pleased by the way his chest rose and fell with each breath.

"Why? Why would they want their children to be Uzumaki woman?" Kanaya's face scrunched up in distaste for the thought. "Or to taint their pure grandchildren's pure Senju blood with with Uzumaki blood."

Perhaps it was Haniyama who had ingrained these thoughts into her mind. Kanaya could not approve of marriage outside of the clan, nor could she believe in mixed bloods, even if she is from Uzumaki and Senju. Haniyama had made it very clear on her point of view on how children should be made; with pure, untainted blood. Why would anyone want their child to grow up a half-breed like Kanaya? It didn't seem appropriate in her opinion.

"Because of how safe it is for their girls. Here we can be attacked and slaughtered like animals, but the island that the Uzumaki have is completely safe. The main family have their wives and children on the island, protected by seals. That's where this marriage alliance will take the ones that will be married." Tsunada motions her closer, "Besides, some of our kunoichi wish to end their career. I hear that your sister wishes to be married to an Uzumaki and live out her days as a wife. She's been dressed like that, awaiting the arrival that could happen anyday."

That made Kanaya's heart stop at the thought of **HANIYAMA** wanting to marry. It seemed so...so unbelieveable. Haniyama was the one with a cold heart and harshness that no one seemd to get through. She was the general and spy expert. She was everything that any kunoichi strived to be. Why would Haniyama want to be married or even have kids with an outsider? Had she not spent years tormenting her half-sister about her heritage?

Tsunada, not seeing Kanaya's inner turmoil, continued. "A marriage will be a good alliance however. Mitoki and Takuma's wedding went over so well with the clan. It was such a happy day; her kimono was beautiful, by the way. She was 18, just like Haniyama! I believe it will be a grand event if only those _devils_ will leave us alone for celebration. Killers and liars; that is all Uchiha are."

This caused panic to run through the already anxious girl's veins, and her thoughts drifted back to Hashirama and Uchiha boy. Who was he? A spy? Did he know who Hashirama was?

Is Hashirama in danger? Kanaya blanched at the thought of anything happening to her precious older brother-figure.

Tsunada, who noticed Kanaya's ashen complextion, frowned. The ridges in her forehead flared up, "Are you alright?"

"Hai. I just imagined Haniyama as a bride. It wasn't pretty." She lied smoothly. Tsunada did not look convinced, but agreed none the less.

Kanaya was filled to the brim with questions, yet no answers could be found. ere

...

 _"Kaze wa watashi ni ie o hakobimasu, Modoru umi ga chikyū ni fureta basho ni." The verse leaves her lips with the softest of sighs filling the silence as she hums the next few notes._

 _The wind rustles through the meadow, white blossoms being forced to move, swaying in a careless in the field, the woman with red hair sits alone, her songs the only noise to be heard. Her voice so sweet, even the birds quieted to hear her music._

 _A small child stares up at the woman so lost in the flower field, who's hands work tirelessly to create chains red lilies with their long veins, doing so with as much as ease as braiding her long, red strains of hair. The woman has a distracted look in her eyes, and flowers in her hair. Her face is a pale blur besides violet hued eyes and crimson locks. She smells like strawberries and royalty, with her golden silk kimono and beautiful smile._

 _Her smile is tight, and she rested a warm hand on the top of the child's head, with a bitter look in those eyes that haunted her. "Kaze wa watashi ni ie o hakobimasu, Modoru umi ga chikyū ni fureta basho ni." She repeated those same words._

 _She sound breathless, while her daughter stares up at her with wide eyes that match her mother's, and a look of confusion on her innocent face. "Mama, 'ore." She urges the woman, as a gust of wind voiced it's agreement on the matter, and the women continued with her red lillies, not even concerning herself with the girl. Dark circles were underling the woman's face, and her eyes were so, so weary._

 _She was a wisp of what was an soft, nuturing woman; a ghost of a happier year. She didn't respond as her child crawled onto her lap. She didn't even move when the girl went to kiss her, or tug gently on her hair to get her attention._

 _But Mitoki Uzumaki kept staring out into the distance, like this meadow had become her sanctuary of spirit_

 _offering an escape from a pains of her own body, and she could not see what went on around her. Glossy, empty eyes stared out lifelessly._

 _" Kaze wa watashi ni ie o hakobimasu," There was a moment of silence. "Modoru umi ga chikyū ni fureta basho ni."_

 _For what feels like first time in centuries, an eerie look falls onto Mitoki's face as she held onto the child, her grip almost unbearbly tight. "Kanayama, have you ever heard of the Land of Whirlpools?" Her voice was too low for comfort, and she was too lucid from the state she was just in, and the two year old stared at her perplexed at the sudden change from her mother._

 _Kanayama turned her head to the side, then pushed her face into the crook of her mother's neck and hummed the song as Mitoki began to speak of a beautiful island with a fair Daimyo, and a clan with lots of red hair._

Kanaya is sure the looming threat of a visit from her mother's clan is what is pulling up this difficult memories, and she is touching her long hair all day long, and it's causing her annoyance.

Her hair is not red or brown; what color is it? She let out all of her anger at everything as she trained with Toka.

"Ressenpū!" She shrieked, before it felt like her chakra was being totally shot out of her body; she used her mouth as a powerful stream of wind came shooting out of her mouth. Toka didn't even flinch at the attack headed towards her, in stead she smirk and raised her arms.

Kanaya's brows furrowed as she finished her move, and it was then that she realized her own wind was being shot back at her. Her hair was being whipped around her wildly, and she knew she had to move. NOW.

Her wind was as sharp as any katana blade, and a small cut ran across her cheek, causing her to flinch violently. She made to move, only to find her feet stuck in place as her own move was hurled at her.

Kanaya's eyes widen, and she sent a shock of chakra through her system, and her body jerked in shock as she was shoved out of Toka's Genjutsu.

Instead of seeing a untouched forest area, all the trees were completely desimated from her attack; limbs were scattered wildly around the area. The Genjutsu was a diversion to get Toka out of the way and for her to find ground.

Kanaya's eyes scanned the area. Where did she-

She ducked on instinct as a kunai was hurled at her back, and she did a flip forward to the face the opposing kunoichi. Toka's usually binded up hair was messily resting around her shoulders, and she breathing heavily.

"You didn't have to use that much chakra for sparring. You cut my hair band." Toka panted out, holding a cut on her face. "I almost lost my head if I didn't use a substitution." Kanaya's hand touched her own cheek to assure the injury had only been a genjutsu.

It had.

Toka slumped down against one of the not broken trees, and she motioned Kanaya down too, with a frown etched on her face.

"We can't continue?"

"You're out of chakra. I'm out of chakra. We've been doing this for hours. I'm out of Genjutsus to use, and I can't dodge another one more of those Eādātsu. And I know you're out of chakra, too."

Eādātsu was Kanaya's signiture jutsu; she had created it herself. It consisted of using chakra from all points of her body to shoot out as Air Darts. If she is ever grabbed from behind, her darts can be produced in smaller versions and shot out of her back. If needed for long range, she create these wind darts as big as her head. Her record is to create ten of the bigger ones in a minute, taking a lot of chakra. Kanaya tossed herself into the grass, staring up at the sky like she willed it to turn into night as soon as possible. The more days she could rid herself of, the better. She wasn't prepared to see her cousins or uncles; she didn't even know she had any until a few weeks ago. Her mother had gone absolutely crazy after Kanaya's birth. Tsunada said it must have stemmed from the fever and infection she endured after birth. While around Kanaya, she was fine, the rest of the clan had been cursed at and she always sang those same lyrics.

 _The wind carries me home, back to the place where the ocean touches the earth._

 _Kaze wa watashi ni ie o hakobimasu, Modoru umi ga chikyū ni fureta basho ni._

Kanaya had always dreamed of the Land of Whirlpools, and she has very faint memories of her mother telling her about it. Mitoki Uzumaki died at age of 22 years old, leaving a 2 year old girl behind. Everyone spoke of how it would be Kanaya to be engaged to the Uzumaki.

She pretended not to hear Lady Riku talking to her friends when she was with Mitama. "I believe it will be Kanayama-chan," She had whispered. "Her parents marked the first alliance, she will mark the second..."

The up-coming arrival of the Uzumaki left her fearful; would she be chosen to marry? She was nine years old, but she had heard of girls being married at 12 or they could wait until she was 15 or 16.

Memories of Mitoki were resurfacing and Kanaya wondered if she would go crazy, too. Was it bad blood? Would going to a new clan make her go crazy, or would she be fine? Was Mitoki just unlucky in her mind? Was it genetic?

It caused her to rage out during training, and a torn down forest was the result. Kanaya was thankful that Toka had gotten out of the way of her attack.

Toka stood and stretched, "I'm gonna go check of Momoka-chan, you coming?" She leaned down and offered her a hand, and Kanaya took it. She brushed herself off.

"Thank you for training with me." Kanaya grinned, and Toka smiled in return.

"Of course. I have to keep beating you or your ego will get as big as a mountain. Then when Momoka gets big enough to beat Mitama-"

Kanaya scoffed, "Oh please, my sister will wipe the dojo floor with your sister."

"No way-"

"Yes way-"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No- Get off of me!"

"Admit my sister is better!"

"Kanayama." Toka whined. Kanaya laughed.

...

"No!" Kanaya dove for the bowl, catching it swiftly before watered dow porriage and small pieces of crushed, soft fruits became accomadated with the floor. Mitama giggled childishly.

" 'ee-tan!" She shrieked as high pitched as she could, and Kanaya winced softly. She was covered head to toe in porriage, and Kanaya was at a loss. Riku-sama was busy, she was away with the other healers discussing a new method for poison (something Kanaya did not enjoy), and the nine year old was having a lot of trouble trying to feed Mitama.

Mitama thought of feedings as some sort of attention game, she tossed food then called for her Neechan to look at what she had done. Kanaya doesn't blame her; Mitama had seperation anxiety. It had scared her the first time that Mitama cried herself blue because she had to leave, but Riku assured her it was because she was properly attatched to Kanaya. Kanaya was not around as much during the day (she still shared a futon with the baby, despite Riku's warnings), and she adored the little girl's attention.

Mitama had happily adopted Riku as her kind-of-mother, such as the fact that she called Riku, "Mum-mum." In a baby talk way, but accepted the fact that she lived seperately from Riku. Kanaya is 100% sure if Mitama had a choice to save either "Mum-mum" or " 'ee-tan" she would save Kanaya in a heart beat.

Kanaya grabbed a cloth, and settled Mitama into her lap. She began trying to wipe off everything that was stuck to her sister, and only managed to get her hands clean because the rest had dried onto her. It was even in her ringlets.

"Someone is getting a bath~" She sang to the baby, and Mitama looked at her confused. She may not know the word, but the minute that Kanaya sets her in the tub, she will shriek her head off. Mitama HATED baths with a passion. A knock at the door stopped Kanaya's movements.

"Come in!" She called, and her paper screen door slid open to reveal a familiar red-eyed boy. "Tobi!"

Mitama repeated what she said with excitement. " 'obi!" She squealed, raising her arms to be picked up. Without any prompting, Tobirama did as he was told by the baby, and settled her into his arms. While Mitama loved to gnaw into Hashirama's flesh, she adored his brother. Silent, stoic Tobi enjoyed Mitama's company, too.

"Is something wrong, Tobi-Itoko?" She asked, though she highly doubted it. His usual headgear was off, instead his hair ran into his face, and he seemed less intimidating than normal when he looked like he wasn't ready for battle. Kanaya cocked her head to the side.

Tobirama nods slowly. "Father is growing concerned with Hashirama's constant disappearing into the woods." He begins, then his eyes look into her own, and Kanaya feels like he is digging into her soul for all the secrets she carries. "Do you know where he goes?"

This is the moment that matters most. This is the moment where Kanaya decides does she betray her cousin and risk the clan or does she protect the clan and betray the only brother she's ever know. The girl keeps her face neutral, and she gives her head a shake.

 _"No. No, I don't."_


	6. Chapter 6

_**6.**_

Sneaking around was not something a lady did. It was a very good thing that Kanaya was not a lady, instead she was a kunoichi. Hiding in a tree counted as training, right?

In all honesty, she needed to see this. Her mind never truly wrapped around the fact of an Uchiha and Senju being friends. And that Uchiha was no eyesore.

Staring at him in detail often resulted in her face becoming as red as an Uzumaki's hair, and Kanaya did not know why. She simply thought he was okay-looking. So once more, her violet orbs took in every detail of his face. His skin was sweaty from his training, with slightly tanned skin that was no match for Hashirama's. His cheekbones were higher than Hashirama's and Tobirama's, with two black pearl eyes that always made her face get a little hotter. She would huff, and look away as if someone was watching even if she was alone as she stalked- watched them.

While not examing that Uchiha-Boy, she was watching Hashirama as he sparred with him. She had fought Hashirama and she had seen him practice with Tobirama from a distance, but she had never seen him this close as he practiced. She was a little impressed and a little frightened by the contrast between fighting someone, where everyone he seemed to move as if dancing, making everything seem so effortless, and seeing it from less than five feet away. Training with this boy, Hashirama got neither critisims nor praises; it was only the fight. Their flushed, tired faces ran wet with sweat as they huffed out each breath.

Sleek muscles trembled as they toed the line of exhaustion, with throbbing veins popped out on foreheads and necks. It was like training was something interest. It all of their bleak, always ending lives, training was a must-have not something enjoyable. It made you strong, it did not give you pleasure. As she watched, she noticed their faces, these faces would remain forever in her mind. How silly of her, to care for an expression, but this was something she had never quite seen before. All that lack of energy, that tiredness in the soul -it enchanted her- was transcended into joy. It scared her beyond belief; what joy was there in fighting?

And then she realized, it was having someone with you that caused you joy. Connecting your body with someone else whether it be sparring or speaking caused a great happiness of someone else's presence.

How strange it was!

However, these relatively pleasant feelings did little to help with her more anxious of emotions. She could not help like feel that she had crossed some kind of invisible line. Kanaya has stumbled upon a place where two boys can still dream happily together, even without the considerations of death and annihilation looming above their heads, and it leaves her breathless in worry.

Here she is, solated and desperate for something she knew she couldn't have; peace. Anything would do quite nicely a solution; a remedy; even someone to confide in would be nice.

...She absolutely hated it. She was hiding in the leaves in a place she knew she would never usually be, harboring a secret that was NOT hers to keep, but she could not risk it getting out. It was her duty as a kunoichi of the Senju to protect ALL of her members which included Hashirama.

Keeping his secret meant keeping him safe, which meant she was fulfilling her father's legacy. It all made sense..right?

It had to, and it helped Kanaya sleep at night; what did it matter?

To ease her troubled mind, she used her arms to roughly shove herself up, and quietly left before anyone noticed her. She knew exactly where to go.

...

Her fingers slowly yank at that same string on her pin-striped pants, yanking it like she did only a year ago to twist it around her finger as tightly as possible until her finger changed color as circulation was cut off, and only then would she let it go.

These were still Itama's pants, and it still left her empty when she wore them. He was dead, and sitting at his grave with his pants on would not help that fact. He hadn't got a proper funeral; slabs of wood and dirt didn't get him into the afterlife the way he should have been. If Kanaya had had her way, he would have been in all white and burned. No one in this so called 'Family of Love' ever got a hero's burial, and perhaps Butsuma would not get burned either...No, Kanaya would make sure he got burned, she light the damn fire herself while he was alive.

Her opinion on her uncle had quickly disinterigrated into nothing more than a very mild respect for him as her uncle. He was, in her opinion, an idiot in the art of clan-leading.

A wise leader should know: his gentleness demands respect. His love creates security, and his strength demands devotion. This is an example of a worthy leader, and the niece could not see in her uncle; Kanaya saw the clan she cherished more than anything in unwise hands: her uncle's hands. It worried her beyond belief, and she hoped (Kami please forgive her) that Butsuma would soon succumb to the battlefield. She had a deep wish for him to fall alongside his fellow clansmen and already she had sworn to never heal the man if the oppurtunity arose, for she could no longer acknowledge him as her matriach.

It was much a grave, and he hadn't got much a funeral either, so Kanaya could proclaim its match. It was not marked, nor did anything really stick out about; it was a pile of dirt with several more piles surronding it. Of course, the weather had slowly began breaking it down and Kanaya supposed soon it would not even be a pile. There would simply be nothing to mark it, and Kanaya vowed silently to have Hashirama help plant flowers around.

"So," She said quietly, as to not disturb the others that rested around Itama- it was only polite - while she traced the dirt with her fingers. "I'm sorry I haven't visited. Maybe next time I'll bring Mitama. You liked her before you-" It got caught in her throat, and Kanaya took several seconds to blink back any tears she may have in her eyes, because Kanaya never cried. Her tears were useless to her, and she would not weep over someone who had died doing his duty as a shinobi.

She could clearly remember how she fought to see his body before he was buried.

 _'Kanaya, don't look!' Hashirama protested. The girl twisted in his arms as she bounded towards the room the housed the bodies of the dead, and her two cousins held her back._

 _'Let her go.' Butsuma demands, and they hesitantely do so. Kanaya is gone as fast as the wind itself into the room. Her eyes search for a familiar body, and when she seens that spiked, double-colored hair, she approaches cautiously. She takes one look at the wounds on him, turns around and vomits._

"Hashirama- I mean Hashi-Itoko has made a friend." She intoned, before her voice slowly lowered to a quieter octave. "It's an Uchiha," Kanaya gave the silent grave a moment to process this before she continued speaking. "He's okay-looking, I guess. And I watch them alot, but only to keep your dumb brother safe. You should see it though! T-They act like brothers. It's so...It makes me hope."

The mound remained silent, and the only sound it the wind attack the tree with it's heavy breeze, and she smiled lightly. "I met an Uchiha too, once. Bōisshugāru ks what I call her, and she wasn't too nice a person, but she left us food. Itama, an Uchiha helped a unknown Senju; it was a given that she didn't know I was a Senju. But she helped us." There is no response so Kanaya continued like there was someone she was speaking too, "I think it might work out. Maybe, if we could set aside our differences, clans could be united as one alliance of peace. I like that idea."

Kanaya frowned again, and Haniyama's always scowling image drifted into her mind, so she settled for keepinh her face blank. "Then again, you said -and I'm sorry for eavesdropping- that the dead would roll in their graves, didn't you? I believe grudges are for those who believe that they are owed something; what can you be owed for your dead brother or father?" She inquired wirh an answer already in mind. "If I slaughter ten men in your name, what will I gain? You will certainly not come back to life, and all I will do is create a new grudge, one of which will cause even more grudges. And what do the dead care if we stop fighting, they are dead! Aren't they in the pure land where there is no war?"

The last time came out a little little saracastic, but Kanaya is sure her point has been made. Each and every death is marked by someone (usually a women) assuring a child that they are in the pure land, where nothing can hurt them any longer and there is no war. So if Uchiha and Uzumaki and Senju can get along in the Pure Land, what do they care if there is peace in the Nations?

"I think forgiveness is not the path to go either, because how can I forgive the men who stole the life of you, Itama? Or my big brother Ohonamochi? Kawarama is dead too, and so is my own father. It scares me, Itama-nii, to try and forgive the Uchiha so quickly." Kanaya moved her hand to the inside of her haori, touching some familiar pieces of cold metal, and she clutched them in one hand. The other hand waa free, and she dug into the dirt (she winced as it got under her fingernails), until a hole was formed.

She dropped all six coins into the small hole, and then used her palm to smooth out the rest of it, so it seemed untouched.

 _For your trip to afterlife..._

Kanaya, feeling content with the long over-due action, began to speak again. "Acceptance is the only way to peace. If I accept the fact you were killed, and that many of them are killed by our hands, then perhaps it will help. If both sides manage to accept what has happened, and agree to not do it again, perhaps forgiveness will follow after. It better not to rush forgiveness, but to slowly drift into acceptance, and the rest will follow." Kanaya shrugged, her breath beginning to fail her as she sniffled a bit.

 _Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

"Hashi-Itoko has always been too ambitious, so I just know he was peace. And so much that boy." Unshed tears burned her eyes, and she forced them in as her breath began to be staggered. "I-I think if anyone can get us peace, it's him, y'know? He...He is very convincing and remember than time he made us think that only white cows could produce milk? It took almost three hours to do it, but we honestly thought...Kawarama-Itoko called us idiots, but Hashirama k-k-kept on the ruse for so long..."

Kanaya wept, and shame caused her to cry even harder. She missed Itama more than anyone could even know. Hashirama and Tobirama...it was their brother, but it was her bestfriend. Her tears hurt her throat, and it is out of frustration or knowing that no matter what she can do or attempt to do can change the situation she is. She is powerless to stop life from fading away or to keep a secret that could kill her alongside her cousin. Crying helps, because it relieves pressure from the inside - that is the pain that you must carry with you that should have been long forgotten. That pain just stays in place. These small drops of salty, wet, moisture hold in them more grief and pain that anything anyone can ever feel, amd it is an escape.

Kanaya wonders if she is alone in this feelings, she is sure she has never once seen Hashirama sob as if he was an infant, and she has made sure he has NEVER seen her cry. Her body trembles as it is wracked with her wails, and her lungs burn with lack of oxygen.

She misses Itama and Kawarama. She misses Takuma and she misses Mitoki. She even misses how innocent the world was before she turned four and began her training. Everything was wrong!

She lied to Tobirama over an Uchiha; she lied over a faint idea if peace that may or may not be true! Had she gone mad?

Kanaya felt a chakra and her head snapped up, only to blurrily meet a pair of brown eyes staring at. The entire earth stopped, and Haniyama is simply staring at her. She remembers all of those times when Haniyama slapped her to stop her tears from falling, she can remember all the scoldings she endured from the harsh woman.

Haniyama stands there in a kimono with a black obi, and a bundle of wild flowers in her arms, and Kanaya is staring at her with tears slipping down her face. She waits, almost imagining the sting of the hand print on her face, but her sister deflates, shaking her head at her as she walked away, her elaborate kimono fluttering in the wind. Was...Was Haniyama visiting someone?

Kanaya looked closely at Haniyama's retreating back, and realized something horrific that caused her tears to renew themselves.

Ohonamochi Senju (what a terrible name) was dead, and he was somewhere under a bundle of dirt, and his half-sister did not visit him. It was the first time Kanaya had ever saw Haniyama as a person. She was not a cold-blooded killer as she portrayed herself to be, instead she was a grieving sister with little experience in the art of happiness. She lost her family too, not just Kanaya. She lost her brother Ohonamochi just as Kanaya has lost Itama, and now there was a silence that made Kanaya frown.

If Haniyama could hide herself so well, could the Uchiha do the same? What would life be like if both clans could see into each others' hearts?

Could they be able to see the person behind the armor?

...

"Tobirama Senju!"

Kanaya winced at her aunt's loud voice. _Sorry Tobi..._

Tsunada Senju was a VERY scary woman when she was pissed off.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" She wailed in anger, and Kanaya took a moment to remember Tobirama before his impending death. She could hear them from the other room where she was sitting with Hashirama, who was holding Mitama in his arms.

"So red or blue flowers?" Hashirama asked with a fleeting look on his face as a thump was heard from the other room. Kanaya took a brief second to ponder this question.

"Blue. I believe saw some wild flowers in a light purple near the grain fields." Kanaya says softly, "I'll make his funeral as lovely as possible." Hashirama beams at her in that hopeful way he does, and both ignore the pained yell that Tobirama produces from the other room as Tsunada shrieked in anger. Mitama giggled at all the sounds, and Hashirama tickled her stomach to continue her cheery laughs.

"If he would just admit he's injured and stop trying to leave, she wouldn't do that." Kanaya said, with a shrug and she noticed how tense her cousin's shoulders truly were. "Cousin...?" She trailed off for a moment as he looked at Mitama with hopeful eyes.

"Kanaya-chan," He began. "How would you feel about a place where everyone is happy?" He paused and watched her for a moment. Kanaya did her best innocent face.

She tilted her head to the side, "I thought we were happy." Kanaya felt her stomach tighten up as impending dread filled her body. What was this about? Was he going to tell her about the Uchiha or of their dreams or something?

"No- I mean, we are! Sort of. A place where there is no war or pain." Hashirama explained. "A village where Tama-chan, Moka-chan, and other kids will never have to die." The curly haired baby looked up at the sound of her name and Kanaya's brows furrowed even if she knew this was coming.

She had suspected that Hashirama would come up with something like this, and she acted as surprised as possible. It did sound appealing however, and as she looked at how protectively he held Mitama, she truly believed he COULD do something with his life.

"Hai. But how? It doesn't sound possible." She noticed how his face fell and Kanaya felt depression in his chakra. Even Mitama looked uncomfortable about the situation at hand. "But I believe in you, y'know. If anyone can make a village of peace, it's you! I'll support you no matter what!" She promised, and Hashirama smiled brightly back.

"Also, could you maybe cover for me tomorrow?" He asked pleasanty to the girl, "I wanna go rock-skipping." Kanaya frowned.

"And I wanna cut that annoying bowl off your head," She waved her finger around her own head to symbolize his own hair cut. Hashirama quickly fell into a deep depression, Mitama squirming in his arms, and Kanaya laughed at how easily he became sad. She wondered if that Uchiha ever got annoyed by his lame hair-style or his chronic depression.

Just as she went to open her mouth, a large crack formed in the wall, and Tobirama came tumbling out of it with a desperate look in his usually calm face. Tsundada came out with a pissed off expression, and immediately Hashirama fled the room with Mitama, Kanaya tumbling after him.

The boy with the bowl-cut looked like he had seen a ghost, and he clutched onto the baby like a life-line, while Kanaya abandoned both her sister and cousin to make it to the woods, far away from their aunt. Tsunada Senju was a terrifying person when made angry and judging on Tobirama's face, she was ANGRY.

By the time she made it to the edge of woods however, she felt chakra signitures that felt like water and confusion spread through her. She has only felt this once before, with her mother, and-

Uzumaki! The Uzumaki Clan negotion team had arrived. Against her better judgement (she did not wish to see Tsunada), she fled back to inform everyone.

...

 **I know it's short, but I have classes to take so it will take me longer to update. Maybe once or twice a week. I would like to thank you all for your reviews and kindly ask you correct any mistakes in my English. I am trying my hardest to learn the lanjuage I know this chapter is kind of filler, I suppose. The next is involving the Uzumaki and then after that is Madara and such. I have big plans for Kanayama. Please enjoy reading.**


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